When I was in my thirties, frustrated at my failure to achieve the next step on the career ladder, I remember walking on a pebbly beach. I thought, I am like one of those zillion pebbles, why would an employer pick me? There was so much competition, I felt as though I was invisible and my dreams unachievable.
What I have learned since is that every single pebble on that beach is perfect and unique. Together they are astounding but each and every one of them has a place and purpose. I found my purpose – the perfect job for me but it wasn’t until I relaxed and valued myself that my future found me.
Whether you are applying for jobs, querying agents, or submitting to publishers, there is a lesson to be learnt from those pebbles on the beach.
You are unique and perfect. Take stock of what you have achieved, your skills, your experience. Everything that makes you who you are today – right now. The opportunity you are seeking needs to fit your perfect shape.
Every pebble, shell, and grit of shingle fits perfectly into a whole. The sea smooths rough edges, it carries flotsam in its tide, and welcomes the rivers and streams that flow into its vast ocean. We are part of something bigger.
Nature will find your perfect fit, what you need to evolve and become the person you are meant to be. Your job is to be clear where you are now in your development so that you can recognise the right opportunity when it arises – and it will.
Taken at Isles of Scilly
You are one of a million, but you are also one in a million. Nobody else has your unique combination of skills, knowledge and experience. The job, agent, or publisher that is right for you – the perfect fit, will be drawn to you when you know what you are looking for.
Think of putting together a jigsaw puzzle. At first the mound of jigsaw pieces can feel a bit overwhelming, but when you hold one piece in your hand and really study its form, the exact shape of each side, then it becomes much clearer where that piece fits within the bigger picture.
Just as the sea shapes and moves, your life will unfold in its own time. Keep present and trust the process. Everything happens at the right time. Because nature is perfect and we are part of nature.
For practical guidance on finding the perfect job this link will take you to an earlier blog.
I think that we all find it a challenge to treat ourselves with the same, love, compassion, and respect that we show to others. Learning to love and nurture ourselves is an important life lesson, if we are to become our best self. When we achieve selflove our personal relationships are enriched. Instead of looking to friends and loved ones to validate us, we can offer unconditional friendship, secure in our self-worth.
Pxabay
Value your skills and experience
Have you read someone else’s profile, website, or biography and thought, I can do that, or have achieved that, but I didn’t think it worth mentioning? Maybe you have read an article or listened to a presentation and thought, I knew those things, they are obvious? I admit I have had these thoughts in the past. You may feel envious that someone who you consider no better than you in terms of experience is getting more recognition than you. It is a mean thought but I’m sure one we have all experienced at some time. The disappointment is with ourself for not honouring our worth.
Respect what you know and have achieved. Tell the world. Don’t belittle your knowledge and skills. We are always looking ahead to where we want to be, focusing on our deficits. Take the time to really appreciate and value where you are now. Remember, what you can do effortlessly today was once a challenge. Take stock of all that you have achieved and learnt. Others can learn from you. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. It is not boastful or proud to own your achievements. To recognise them is to value yourself.
A few months ago, I was asked to give the keynote address at a conference. I was known for my work in health and social care but on this occasion was asked to talk about my new career as an author. I was surprised but thrilled to read myself described by the event host as an award-winning author. It was not an accolade I had claimed. I had indeed won two awards for my debut novel, but the title ‘award-winning author’ felt fake. Most creatives have imposter syndrome. Maybe everyone does. I am an award-winning author, so why did it surprise me to be described this way? It took someone else to use this title before I tentatively tried it on for size.
Be a good friend to you by reminding yourself that you are awesome. You worked hard to get to where you are now. There may be another mountain ahead but acknowledge the one you have climbed and those before.
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Be compassionate and kind
I drive myself hard and berate myself when I do not achieve my daily goals. I have been the line manager for more staff in my working life than I can remember. Those staff remember me kindly as years on I have received communications from people whom I have supported and nurtured thanking me. As a manager, I encouraged my staff to set achievable goals. I was forever adjusting their expectations so that they could exceed their aims rather than fail to deliver. I emphasised the need for self-care and was mindful of staff who were driving themselves too hard so that I could help prevent them from experiencing burn-out. If only I treated myself with the same care and attention.
At the end of each day do you focus on what you didn’t get done or what you did? How do you reward yourself for your daily achievements? Are your goals realistic and achievable or are you setting yourself up to fail? Have you scheduled breaks for writing your blog, novel, or other project? I would not dream of treating a member of my staff the way that I treat myself. Fear of failure is what drives me. This in itself reflects a lack of respect for what I am capable of with time, patience, and compassion.
Forgiveness
When we are learning new things, we will inevitably get some things wrong. That is how we learn. Self-publishing and marketing my books are new to me. At the beginning of 2020 I had no experience at all. In less than 18 months I have started to blog, published two novels, learnt how to record on Zoom, edit on i-movie, and broadcast on YouTube and podcast, and I have become established on Twitter. Looking back, I have missed opportunities by not recognising their importance at the time. I have failed to grasp Instagram, and Pinterest. My newsletters are not yet slick. Despite an incredibly steep learning curve, I still focus on what I have got wrong – not the things I have got right.
As we get older and look back on our life there will be things that we are ashamed of- things we could have done better; perhaps how we handled relationships, addictions, or jealousy. We feel like that now because we have changed. We would not have changed and become who we are, without those life lessons. View yourself as a kind parent. Tell yourself that you are forgiven for your behaviours, you are not a bad person. Every experience that we have brings us the gift of learning. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to grow. Do not chastise yourself for what you consider your failings.
Pezibear Pixabay
Be your own cheerleader
That job you have applied for, the query letter to agents, the competition you have entered, do it whilst cheering yourself on. If you don’t believe in yourself why would anyone else? When we tell ourselves that we are not worthy, that we don’t really expect to win, then we have already reduced our chances of success. We protect ourselves from disappointment by lowering our expectation. If we tell our family and friends that we don’t expect success or pretend we don’t care what the result is then they won’t feel sorry for us when we fail. Is that being a good friend to yourself. Would you tell your dearest friend not to bother applying for their dream job because they won’t get it anyway? Of course not. You would be telling them that the employer, agent etc would be lucky to have them. Be that friend to yourself.
I am practicing being a better friend to me. It is hard breaking the habits of a lifetime. I know how to be the best friend, sister, mother, employer – I just have to be a good friend to me.
‘If this doesn’t happen, I don’t know what I’ll do.’
‘If only I got that promotion/job everything would be different.’
‘I just need to find that special someone and I will be happy.’
The drama and passion of these heartfelt pleas are fuelled by the media. We watch films and read books where life is simple. The geeky girl/boy meets someone who loves them just the way that they are, they fall in love and live happily ever after. A woman loses her job, her world is falling apart, but then she writes a book, and all of her financial worries are resolved. Then, there are the talent shows where an awkward-looking boy tells the camera that winning the competition would mean everything to him, and a few series later he is back as the star act, having achieved super-stardom. Real-life doesn’t make good telly and so stories of success, both imaginary and real, are dramatized and we buy into this. I have thought for some time that the romcoms we adore contribute to dissatisfaction in relationships.
Albrecht Fietz Pixabay
1. Focus on what is within your control
Our dream is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. We truly believe that once that one thing we wish for happens our life will be transformed. For many writers, it is getting an agent or a publishing deal. We hold that heartfelt wish so tight, we clench it within our soul, willing it to happen. To relax that hold for one second feels as though we are giving up and reducing our chances of success. Everything depends on that wish coming true.
The thing that we long to happen, or fear will happen doesn’t change our life. There is a blip of happiness or despair, but in the scheme of things, it is a minor disturbance. Think back to the day you got your dream job, got married, or on the downside received a rejection letter from an agent or following an interview. You may have been happy or disappointed for a few days, or weeks but then life happened and soon you had another goal or dream. I can no longer remember my rejection letters or the jobs I didn’t get.
The constant is the life you are living now. Your family and friends, the pleasure that you get from everyday activities, your good health. By focusing on what is beyond our control, changing another person’s behaviour, making someone like you – hire you – sign you, we are neglecting to change the things that we can control. If life carries on as normal after the blip, then we need to invest in making it a good life by appreciating what we have now and making the most of each moment.
Noel Bauza Pixabay
2. Invite new opportunities into your life
This is a lesson that has taken me some time to learn, and I am still learning. When I was forty, I could see only one way to further my career and that was the next step up on the career ladder – a chief executive of a health trust. It had been my goal for years and I had made steady progress up until that point. I was shortlisted again and again but was disappointed when I received the news that I had not been successful and each time a different or conflicting reason – ‘too strategic,’ ‘not strategic enough.’ I didn’t know what to do as this had always been my goal and it felt too early in my career to settle for what I had already achieved.
I was in the depths of despair. I felt rejected – unworthy. Not good enough. I was blinded to other opportunities because I was too focused on that one outcome. A wise woman suggested that I was feeling discomfort as the job I had was no longer a good fit for me. Like an ill-fitting shoe, I had outgrown the role. This sparked my imagination and I wrote down all the things I enjoyed and was good at, also the things I didn’t like about my job.
Unsurprisingly, the job I had set my heart on was not a good fit for me either. The result was a specification of my unique combination of skills, expertise, and experience. I used that to evaluate every job advertised within a salary scale that was acceptable. In keeping an open mind, I came across an advertisement that I would never have considered before. I wasn’t even sure what the job description meant, but it was a perfect fit with my personal specification and the employer thought so too because at the end of a two-day selection process I was offered the job. What unfolded from there was better than I could have imagined. I found the perfect career for me as one opportunity led to another.
Through this experience, I learned that my imagination is limited. The universe/God’s vision is greater. When I stopped hanging on tightly to what I thought should happen and opened my heart and mind to possibilities, I was led to the best outcome for me.
Beate Bachmann Pixabay
3. Do not attach yourself to one particular outcome
You may be focused on bagging your dream agent, securing a traditional publishing deal, getting that promotion, or your ideal job and I wish you success. Keep working towards your goal and hopefully, your wish will come true. However, too narrow a focus might be blinding you to other opportunities.
Try brainstorming all of the options. Be imaginative and open yourself up to the infinite possibilities for your success. Instead of focusing on one agent, try approaching several. Visualise offers coming in from four or more so that you have to choose. Submit to independent publishers. Enter novel writing competitions. Scatter these seeds of possibility and you may be surprised by what grows.
Your future is waiting for you. It could be brighter and bigger than anything you have imagined, but you need to open your heart and mind to new possibilities and trust that what is right for you will find you.
Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke Pixabay
4. Open your heart
I know what it feels like to want something too much. It is a tightly clenched fist in the solar plexus, a lump of longing that takes up all the room in your heart. You are afraid to release your grip. As though holding tight to that dream will make it come true, and if you release your grip, it will lessen your chances of success. I have learned that this is not true and by wanting something too much we are driving away the very thing that we want.
We have all heard the stories of a couple who conceive when they have stopped trying for a baby, the girlfriend who meets the love of her life after resigning herself to a future of singledom, the job offers that flood in when you have decided to become self-employed.
When we are desperate for something we become tense. There is a physiological reaction that may lead to symptoms of stress, for me it is eczema and migraines. We become so focused that we have tunnel vision and miss the bigger picture. A tense, intense person, who is desperate for something, is not attractive and can repel the person that they want to attract.
If you are in a furniture store and a sales assistant working for commission pursues you relentlessly, advising you of the features of every sofa you show a vague interest in, I suspect that like me, you will decide to visit another day or go to a different store where you won’t be hounded into buying something.
Many years ago, I had a friend who following a divorce was desperate to find another man. This friend was young, attractive, and clever. She had a great job and was financially independent. She threw herself into the dating world with gusto, joining online dating agencies and requesting blind dates. I tried introducing her to eligible men but her desperation scared them off. Sadly, none of her would-be partners wanted a second date.
I am extremely embarrassed to confess that when I started out as a management consultant, I stepped out of a meeting to run after someone who I thought might be interested in hiring me. I cringe when I remember this. At that time, I was terrified that I would not attract any clients and, of course, I didn’t. When I relaxed and went with the flow, I had plenty of work. The more work I had, the more I was offered.
When we are relaxed and content, we are open to new possibilities. We notice opportunities because we have an open mind and are more susceptible to ideas that come into our orbit. People are drawn to us because we radiate positivity.
I know it is hard to let go of longing. Keep hold of your dream but try to gently release your grip. Imagine that knot of tension, softening. Breathing exercises and meditation can help with this. When I am meditating, I imagine a lotus flower opening up to the sun. It takes practice but you can relax your hold.
Jplenio Pixabay
5. Trust the journey
I believe that our purpose is an idea that is sown like a seed in our heart. Our wish to be a writer, an artist, a chef, an acrobat is intense because we are driven to achieve our life purpose. But just as the seed has been sown, trust that your dream will come to fruition. Open yourself up to a greater power. Trust that what you need will come to you. Be relaxed and calm. Because then you will find the golden breadcrumbs that will lead you to your destiny- a chance meeting, an advertisement, an idea that comes from a conversation.
I previously published this post as Wanting Something Too Much Part 1-3. I have combined them here and renamed them so that they are more accessible.
When we have hopes and dreams, we must sow seeds of possibilities. Make them plentiful and cast them wide. Don’t try to double guess which is most likely to take root because you will be surprised. A seed can transform into a spectacular plant in the most unlikely of places.
Whether it is to succeed as an author, a new job, or funding for a project, be aware of the opportunities that come into your orbit and respond. The seeds that you sow might be, entering a competition, writing to a potential funder, using a chance meeting to discuss an idea, joining an association or club.
I remember my line manager, when I worked in a consultancy firm, advising me ‘not to set too many hares running.’ There is some wisdom in this but I would add – at once. I don’t think you can pursue too many opportunities but take the time to give each one your full attention, and to receive feedback so that you learn from each experience. For example, a writer might initially send out eight query letters to agents, depending upon the responses, the next ten letters might be strengthened. Alongside these query letters, the same writer might enter competitions, approach independent publishers, and present their work at writers’ conferences. Don’t hold back because you are invested in a particular outcome.
We sow the seeds of possibility, casting them wide, with hope in our hearts. It is the great creator – God, The Universe, that gives life. What takes root and where is beyond our control. We have no choice but to let go and have faith. Sometimes, it is long after we have sown a seed that it surprises us by blossoming.
I just read a tweet from @HutchinsAuthor
‘My tree peony hasn’t flowered for over 8 years and this spring it is full of buds!’
Author R.A. Hutchins’s Tree Peony Photo by Anne Hutchins
It is human nature that we try and control what comes to us, when, and how. We read into things, believing that we can make sense of patterns to determine what will happen next. How many of us count Magpies, or look for signs, in a desperate bid to claw back some control?
The wondrous reality is this – we cannot even start to fathom the multitude of factors which might come together to bring what we need into our life. In the past few weeks, I experienced two events that led me to write this post. Neither of them was remarkable but they demonstrated to me how the unexpected can happen at any time.
The first event. My local independent bookstore has been selling copies of my debut The Borrowed Boy. When I was writing this novel in 2018 the bookshop owner kindly asked a young Polish man who worked in a neighbouring restaurant if he would help me with my research. He generously agreed and gave up his lunch hour to answer my questions as we sat in the bookshop. Although I wrote down his phone number, he moved back to Poland soon after our interview, the number was unobtainable and I had no way of getting in touch. I mentioned him in the acknowledgements of my book but, as three years had passed and I hadn’t written down my name or told him the title of my novel, I never expected him to come across this. A couple of weeks ago when I popped into the bookshop the owner told me that the Polish boy’s father had been instructed by his son to buy two copies of The Borrowed Boy and to send them to him in Poland. I have no idea how he heard about my book as we have no connections in common that I am aware of.
The second event. I received an email from a woman who remembered me working at her firm as a consultant fifteen years ago. This was not someone who I knew well, she was not a personal friend, or even on the same team. She said that she didn’t use social media but randomly Googled me and saw I had written a couple of novels. We had an email chat and she has since signed up for my newsletter.
As I said, the events themselves are not earthmoving but they taught me a lesson. Things happen beyond our control and awareness – are happening now.
This example is incredible. I heard the lovely Anne Cleves talk at a Frinton Literary Festival a couple of years ago. You may have enjoyed the popular TV series: The Shetland Murder Mysteries, and Vera. When Anne was a little-known author, one of her novels was bought in a charity shop by a person who on the strength of reading the story, and recognising it met a current need in TV, contacted Anne and the rest is history.
Take joy in planting your seeds and look forward to being surprised. Like children waiting for Christmas, it sometimes feels as though it will never come but have faith. I truly believe, ‘Nothing that is for you will pass you by.’
If you had suggested a year ago that I was self-sabotaging my chances of success in securing a publishing contract I would have denied it vehemently. I had done everything in my power to make that dream come true. I had an agent and my novel went out on submission, there was nothing I could do to influence the outcome. All of that is true. However, I have come to recognise a pattern of self-sabotage when I am striving for the things that I want most in my life. I hope that by sharing this with you I might help you to recognise similar patterns of behaviour in yourself.
We may not understand why we self-sabotage, but to achieve our dream we don’t have to. We just need to become aware, to observe with compassion, and by fractionally changing our direction of travel – steering that cruise ship one degree East, we can end up in a different place.
Understanding my behaviour and its impact has been a gradual process. In an earlier blog on How to stay the course and succeed I described how early signs of success and encouragement have led me to overreach in the past – trying to run before I can walk and then throwing up my hands in frustration when things don’t pan out as I had hoped. This is an over-simplification of a complicated thought process but it was the beginning of my growing awareness.
Couleur Pixabay
Is there a goal, an elusive dream, that you have failed to achieve despite doing everything within your power to make it come true? If you are a writer, it may be getting an agent or a publishing contract, but it could be anything: losing weight, finding a loving partner, getting a promotion. For me it has been, getting into OT college (age 18), getting a promotion (age 39), getting a publishing contract (recent years).
Every time that I was bashing myself against an unyielding wall, I thought I knew why things weren’t happening for me. I blamed other people, my circumstances, an unfair system. I would have done anything within my power to achieve my goal and had proved that through my hard work, determination and perseverance, so it had to be out of my control.
If I had kept an open mind and gently looked inward, not judging myself but with patience and kindness, I might have discovered how some of my behaviours were having a negative impact. These are the patterns I have observed in my behaviour:
Rushing off an application/submission
Have you pressed send on an important job application, competition entry, or query letter and then regretted being so hasty because you could have done a better job? I do this all of the time. I put it down to being efficient and getting a job done or being an impatient person. Neither of these is completely true. I am meticulous about writing a professional report for work and I am a perfectionist when writing and publishing a novel. So why do I dash off an application/submission when it is so important to me? I am protecting myself from rejection. If I get a negative response, I can say it is because I messed up my application. When we want something too much, we fear disappointment and so we take control – in this case, I was taking control of my failure.
Another move is to say, ‘I don’t know whether I want this job or not.’ I have heard myself and members of my family claim this when applying for a job. The line that follows is, ‘So I won’t be disappointed if I don’t get it.’ We are telling our loved ones please don’t pity me or be disappointed when I’m rejected. We don’t want to let them down. But by going into an interview with this thought, however peripheral, we are sabotaging our chance of success because the lack of interest will be apparent. I have done this myself. I even got the feedback that I was the best candidate on paper but I came over as not wanting the job.
Thorben Ki Pixabay
Ignoring advice
It is annoying when someone suggests that we do something a different way, or learn new skills to achieve our goal. It means that we are not as ready as we believed ourselves to be. There is a knowledge/skill gap and as we look into what seems to be a gaping hole, we lose confidence. What if we are not good enough? We aren’t that person. We don’t fit. We will be found out. Instead of filling the gap and adapting our approach, we close down. I know that to be commercially successful as an author I need to be more genre-specific. I have spent years denying this and justifying why I can’t make my writing fit into one genre. The result is that whilst I can write books that are well received with great reviews, I will never achieve my dream of reaching a wider audience of readers until I learn to adapt.
‘I can’t.’ ‘I’ve tried.’ ‘It doesn’t work.’ How often have we cried out in defeat instead of knuckling down and doing the work: Learning a new skill, Trying a different approach? Sometimes we have to take what feels like a step backwards so that we can move forwards.
When I finished writing the first draft of my first novel, I sent it out to an agent and got a very encouraging response. It was a revise and resubmit letter with pages of comments to inform the rewrite. Instead of doing the work, I abandoned the manuscript and started on a new project. I threw away a golden opportunity. I justified this later by saying at that time I didn’t understand the implications of this positive and generous response. I misinterpreted it as ‘You are not good enough. Try again.’ This was what I was telling myself not the agent. For some reason, I did not think I deserved to be taken seriously.
There are lots of reasons why we might self-sabotage and our ingenious minds find subtle ways to do this. The good news is that as soon as we become aware of these patterns of behaviour we start to change.
Don’t beat yourself up if you think that you are self-sabotaging. You are just protecting yourself. Be kind and compassionate to the part of you that believes you are unworthy, is afraid of failing, disappointing others, or feels a bit overwhelmed by the idea of success.
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut believing that this is all we can have – if we expose ourselves as self- sabotaging then we have to accept that we may have wasted opportunities and that can be painful. I believe that the right thing happens at the right time. It may have taken me longer to get to where I am now but that is because I had to work through those experiences.
Changing my behaviour will not happen overnight but I feel as though my compass has been reset. I am cruising towards my paradise. I just had to change course a fraction.
The creative entrepreneur is full of ideas, can find creative solutions to problems and spot gaps in the market. They are self-starters, full of passion and drive. We have a vision of what we want to achieve and go after it like the Road Runner.
The downside of being a creative entrepreneur is our low boredom threshold and impatience to see results. There have been several occasions where I have self-sabotaged my success by allowing my ego to derail me. Fortunately, over-time I have learnt four important lessons.
Self-belief
You need to be your biggest champion and have absolute faith in yourself to succeed. The road to success is tough and you will have many setbacks. Know that you have something special, you have everything that you need to succeed. Each knockback is making you stronger. Believe in yourself. Listen to the negative thoughts, it is your ego trying to protect you from disappointment and failure – but respond from your brave heart, you’ve got this. There is nothing to fear. You can do this. Champion yourself with love and compassion.
Believing in yourself does not mean ignoring any negative feedback or criticism, neither does it mean doing the same thing the same way despite the lack of success. This feedback is precious. It is helping us to become better at what we do. Reframe rejection and/or failure as gifts to help us improve. Road signs if you like to help us find the right path.
To believe in yourself, you first have to know what makes you special and unique. Write down all of the things that you are good at and enjoy – these are usually the same thing as we excel at what we love. Then, the things that you are not good at and prefer not to do. We are all different. It is important to know and understand your strengths so that you can make the most of them, for example, when it comes to developing a marketing strategy and plan.
I know a successful Indie author who creates beautiful images easily and uses these to promote her blog and books on Pinterest and Instagram. She has a Facebook group and uses images with questions to stimulate discussion. Another successful author uses her love of travel and enthusiasm for independent publishing to connect with readers through podcasts, preferring to talk to her audience. There are so many different ways to market your product you need to find a strategy that uses your strengths and that you will enjoy.
Mimzy-Pixabay
Comparing to others.
Don’t. This is much easier said than done. Of course, we all compare ourselves and usually find ourselves wanting. We congratulate other creatives on their success, the new book contract, a best-selling debut, getting an agent, or even a full manuscript request. Sometimes, it feels as though everyone else is enjoying a party and you are on the outside banging your fists on a closed door.
Everybody’s journey to success is different. A writer at a conference I attended said in a pre-dinner speech that an author’s journey to success is a bit like childbirth. You can plan and think you are prepared but how it happens – your unique experience will be nothing like you expect it to be. I remember making a birth plan and watching a soft-focus film of a delivery in ante-natal classes. Needless to say, my experience was completely different as it will be for every single woman who gives birth. Authors will tell you about winning a competition, a chance meeting with an author or publisher, being approached by an indie publisher after self-publishing successfully, achieving success independently – there are as many different journeys as there are authors. What I am trying to say is that your journey to success is unique to you. Comparing where you are to others is pointless because you are on a different path.
With comparison comes envy. That green goblin that gobbles your soul. Do you find yourself thinking negative thoughts? I don’t mean wishing evil upon the person you envy – although you might have such feelings. The judgements: It’s all very well having a debut best-seller but will they be able to follow it? That publisher is too small to have any impact on sales. I wouldn’t want to churn out fiction like that it can’t be any good. These thoughts are partly to protect ourselves, to diminish the pain of envy – I wouldn’t want that anyway. But they are destructive. When we have negative thoughts about other creatives, we are also harming ourselves. It is the same voice that says, You are no good and will fail. We are all part of the universe, made from the same stuff. The synchronicity that brings fortune to us is dependent upon everything coming together in our favour. We are all dependent on one another. Negative thoughts about other creatives pollute the air we breathe – the life-giving force that should be nourishing us.
Steve Buissinne – Pixabay
Consistency
I started this post by recognising the downside to being a creative, the short attention span. A new project is exciting, the adrenalin rush as you put everything into getting it off the ground. In a big organisation you might be able to hand over the project once it is up and running but many creative entrepreneurs work alone or with a small team of experts. We do not have the resources and/or manpower to trust someone else to implement the big idea whilst we move onto a new one. We also want to see results quickly and can lose patience if they are not immediately apparent.
I am learning how to refine and systemise approaches so that they are fully embedded. It means paying attention to detail, improving quality and efficiency. It means slowing down and being present – fully focused on the task.
It is when you have grown tired of writing your blog or recording your YouTube channel that your audience starts to discover you. By giving up too soon you do not allow success to find you. An entrepreneur who is always moving on to the next new thing will miss out on reaping the rewards from their work.
You won’t always feel like sitting down each week to write your blog, or record your film, especially if that negative voice in your head is telling you: What’s the point? Nobody reads it? Listens to it? But you must because success is about being consistent. Showing up even when you don’t feel like it.
Mariya- Pixabay
My final message is this – Be joyful and carefree.
We seem to believe that is we are to achieve success we have to suffer in the process. You are doing this – whatever it is – because it is your passion. Fear of failure, self-doubt, and negative thoughts are burdensome. Have absolute faith in yourself. Know that you will achieve all that you dream of and more, and trust the universe to guide you towards that goal. Take pleasure in all of the tasks you commit to. Remember why you chose to do this and be patient. When things are not happening as quickly or in the way that you expect, be curious. Reflect on what you can learn from this moment by being present and grounded. Sometimes we just have to stand still long enough for success to find us.
I always told my daughter you can be anything that you want to be. At three years old she said, ‘I want to be a king and an acrobat.’ Of course, if you could be anything why wish to be a queen, when you could be king? Anyway, this was the explanation she gave me when she was older and I questioned, why a king?
My beautiful daughter is now thirty-one and as you can see from the photo below, she is an accomplished acrobat and much more. She is both King and Queen of her world, and of my heart.
To make the most of our time on this earth we first need to discover our life purpose. When we find this, it is like unleashing a powerful energy- our life force. Some people call it a passion. It drives us to achieve and can fill us with an unbearable longing – a heartfelt wish, as we strive to fulfil our potential and become our authentic self.
It is a challenging journey. The vision that we have – to become a King, may feel impossible at first and there will be times when we wonder if we should just give up. That it is too hard. It is hard. My mother always told me that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. When we find the thing that brings us joy – our purpose, then we must honour ourself and our creator by pursuing our dream.
Self-doubt
The biggest barrier to success is self-doubt. Before we even get started the thought goblins will be telling us that there is no point, that there is too much competition, we can’t afford the specialist equipment, we are too old. Thought goblins will come up with one reason after another. It is their job, they are trying to keep us safe, and avoid the risk of disappointment or failure. Another voice – our heart, will tell us not to give up, that this is our dream. We must follow our heart. Listen to our inner voice.
Creatives will know the power of self-doubt. The fear of failure that can kill an idea before it has a chance to take root.
Above all else believe in yourself. Practice daily affirmations if that helps. I save my best reviews and emails from editors and publishers that tell me I can write, and I read these when I feel my confidence ebb.
Discouragement
Our family and friends might love us dearly, however, when we discover a new passion, and start to realise our potential we change. This can have an effect on our relationships. Partners and close friends might feel uncomfortable with a shift in the status quo and try to hold us back, by feeding our self-doubt or discouraging us. Listen. Be kind and understanding. Reassure. But do not let this deter you from your goal. Your loved ones will adjust in time and if they do not then it is their problem to resolve not yours.
Competition
There will always be some people who are more and some who are less accomplished than we are. Learn from those who are more skilled and offer assistance to those who are not. When we start looking around to size up the competition, we lose our stride and fall back. Do not compare yourself with others or with other versions of yourself. Keep present. Focus on what you are doing now and strive to make it the best it can be.
photo by Dimitris Vetsikas Pixabay
Dead ends
I recognise these. Twice in my life I have experienced what I perceived to be the way ahead closed to me. These events were of such significance that on both occasions I had dreams portending the need for me to change direction. The first time it was a career change. I was applying for jobs as the Chief Executive of a health trust. I had prepared well and was being championed by influential players. The night before my first interview I dreamt that I could not exit a roundabout as I had intended. I didn’t get the job. The dream recurred each time I went for a similar job. When I re-evaluated what I wanted from my career and looked more widely at the options available to me I found a much better fit.
The second time I experienced this was a couple of decades later. I was represented by a respected literary agent and my novel was on submission to publishers. Everything was looking rosy and yet I had that same dream again. You guessed it. I did not get a contract. Several months later I self-published my debut and have not looked back.
When it feels as though the way ahead is blocked, we are being led in another direction. Listen to your intuition. New pathways reveal themselves when we are open to new possibilities.
Perseverance
Never, ever give up. During the most challenging periods of my journey to publication I found inspiration in a couple of films: Eddie the Eagle and Walt before Mickey.
Michael Edwards, AKA Eddie the Eagle represented Great Britain in the 1988 Winter Olympics Ski Jumping, fulfilling his life long ambition to compete in the Olympics. Edwards was disadvantaged in every way and yet overcame adversity through determination.
Similarly, Walt Disney in the film Walt before Disney, experienced one knockback after another. He hit an all-time low that would have anyone else throwing in the towel. But not the hero of this film. Walt Disney had absolute faith in his talent and refused to give up no matter what. Like Eddie the Eagle, he finds another way.
These are exceptions you might say. Their stories have been dramatized for film. This is true but I took from these films the inspiration and motivation to persevere.
Disney may have experienced extreme lows but look at the highs that came after. When you get a set- back look forward to the time when this will be reversed in equal measure!
You can be anything that you want to be. Believe in yourself and follow that dream.
When I was a small child I remember saying to my mother in earnest, ‘I don’t know what God wants me to do.’ A teacher must have told a story from the bible which I took to heart. I would have been about seven-years-old. I remember clearly being anxious that I had an important purpose in life but could not recall what it was. My mother made light of my remark as she tucked me up in bed, but that thought stayed with me.
Finding our life-purpose sounds terribly grand and noble, but all it means is discovering who we are meant to be. We each have a unique combination of attributes. The way that we see the world. Our life experience. Talents, knowledge, and networks. Like the seed of a plant, our DNA has within it all that we need to become our unique self.
Imagine your life like a story. There are clues dropped like breadcrumbs; you are not the reader but the protagonist of this story. Have you ever visited a place and had an aha moment as though you recognise its significance? This has happened to me throughout my life, whether it is a place of work or somewhere that I will one day live. The relevance of that spark is not obvious at the time but later when I find myself back there, I realise why I felt a connection. Maybe the same is true of the people that we meet.
Following on with the analogy of our life being like a story, I want to share with you another observation. I believe that when we get to the end of our life and look back, it all makes sense. How we got to where we needed to be. Why things happened as they did. If you are going through a dark period in your life, turn the pages knowing that all will be well.
But I digress. There are other signs for us to follow. When I am deciding whether a job is right for me, I ask myself, does the prospect of this job make my heart sink or sing? I apply this to any big decisions. Trust your heart. When your heart soars you are on the right track.
I was recently asked to address a conference of public sector workers on my transition from working in health and social care to becoming a full-time author. I am sharing with you an extract from my presentation, as these words clarified for me the values that have shaped my life.
My life purpose has been one of championing and enabling people who feel disadvantaged. I spent my career trying to improve people’s experience of care. I chaired boards, wrote national reports, talked with ministers, and in recent years wrote many Safeguarding adult reviews and domestic homicide reviews. My head and heart are filled with the stories of people who have experienced and, in many cases, overcome adversity. In my local and national reports, I strived to give a voice to those people.
Now I am a full-time author my purpose has not changed. In fact, I feel compelled to release those voices. To give them life and to write them a happy ending. They are still clamouring to be heard and unless I get them down on paper, they will continue to hound me. I don’t write to try and change the world, or to deliver a message. I write because it brings me joy. I hope that the immense pleasure I get from writing my novels is experienced in some way by the reader. If in reading about my protagonists’ lives, I stir some empathy or shine a bit of light that brings hope then I am grateful.
I have often said in my blogs that a seed is sown in our hearts by our creator for us to nurture to fruition. Like the sap which rises in plants as they prepare for growth in the spring, the idea becomes a passion and drives us on a path to succeed and fulfil our dream/goal. Noticing this energy, what excites us and makes us happy helps us to find direction and purpose.
Do what you love, because that is what you will be good at, and in turn, you will be successful.
At seven years old I recognised the importance of finding my purpose in life, even if I did not know what it meant. Every one of us is unique. We each have a valuable contribution to make. Do not compare your path to anyone else’s. Follow your heart and believe in yourself because you are awesome.
Deborah Klee 