Patience

How Creativity Can Change Your Life

/ Deborah Kleé Author / Leave a comment

I believe the pandemic has triggered a resurgence in creativity. When the constraints of our lives loosened and we no longer had to adhere to a busy schedule, we found space. Initially, a space where we faced fear, anxiety and confusion. Our worlds tilted and nothing made any sense. Livelihoods were threatened and we were filled with the necessity of finding a different way to be.

Creativity is not just about the arts, an ability to draw, paint, or write. It is about viewing the world from different perspectives, finding hidden connections and meaning, solving problems, and turning our ideas into reality. We are all creative. We are creation.

In these challenging times we need our creativity more than ever. The pandemic has forced us to find new ways to do things and, in some cases, to make a living. 

In the past year we have seen choirs and orchestras come together to perform using the internet, extraordinary fundraising activities such as Captain Tom’s sponsored walk, global meditation initiatives, and innovative approaches within communities, and families, to support one another and carry on. This is creativity at work.

Creativity connects us to one another in a meaningful way. It may be an idea that inspires others, or a collective energy as we come together with a common goal.

I have watched as people around me find time to pursue creative hobbies: writing, painting, craft work, sewing. When we become absorbed in a creative activity we relax and the constant chatter in our head is silenced. This stillness is like meditation. It is calming and improves our well-being. 

When it feels as though the world does not make any sense, we can connect on a deeper level through our art. In the past year I have engaged for the first time in social media. In the past I was reluctant to use Twitter or Facebook but I have been amazed by the kind, generous, and loving spirits I have encountered. A photograph of a sunset. An inspirational quote. Words of encouragement to a stranger. The message to a person who is afraid and suffering that they are not alone. A few words. An image. Sometimes, I imagine these beautiful souls like glittering diamonds connected in a magnificent web of light encircling our globe.

Pezibear Pixabay

On Sunday morning we changed to British Summer Time in the UK and our clocks went forward. It is interesting that this year my husband and I both woke up an hour earlier in the days before the clocks changed. I wonder whether we have become more in tune with nature in the stillness created by this quieter way of life? It is almost as if the global pandemic has given us a reset. 

It is a year since the first lockdown and we have all changed. It has taken me a while to adjust to a different rhythm. To stop railing against what I saw as restrictions and to welcome this time of solitude and reflection. To be still and listen to what is in our heart can be scary. It can expose difficult emotions, and memories. With self-love and compassion, we might be able to acknowledge these and find some peace. I remember a difficult time in my life some years ago. I had been looking forward to taking the whole of August off from work. I had such plans for relaxation and fun activities. It was one of the worst months of my life because when I stopped being busy thoughts and feelings surfaced that I had repressed for many months since the death of my mother. However, that month away from work was exactly what I needed to do the inner work and to put right the things in my life that needed to be addressed. 

Across the world we have experienced this time of change and reflection together. There have and will continue to be hardships. We have lost loved ones and a way of life that we treasured. But I believe we have found something else, our creativity, compassion, and resilience. If the world has had a reset, let’s start afresh and use what we have learned to create a better life.

Three mindful steps to success as a creative entrepreneur

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 5 Comments

The creative entrepreneur is full of ideas, can find creative solutions to problems and spot gaps in the market. They are self-starters, full of passion and drive. We have a vision of what we want to achieve and go after it like the Road Runner.

The downside of being a creative entrepreneur is our low boredom threshold and impatience to see results. There have been several occasions where I have self-sabotaged my success by allowing my ego to derail me. Fortunately, over-time I have learnt four important lessons.

Self-belief

You need to be your biggest champion and have absolute faith in yourself to succeed. The road to success is tough and you will have many setbacks. Know that you have something special, you have everything that you need to succeed. Each knockback is making you stronger. Believe in yourself. Listen to the negative thoughts, it is your ego trying to protect you from disappointment and failure – but respond from your brave heart, you’ve got this. There is nothing to fear. You can do this. Champion yourself with love and compassion.

Believing in yourself does not mean ignoring any negative feedback or criticism, neither does it mean doing the same thing the same way despite the lack of success. This feedback is precious. It is helping us to become better at what we do. Reframe rejection and/or failure as gifts to help us improve. Road signs if you like to help us find the right path.

To believe in yourself, you first have to know what makes you special and unique. Write down all of the things that you are good at and enjoy – these are usually the same thing as we excel at what we love. Then, the things that you are not good at and prefer not to do. We are all different. It is important to know and understand your strengths so that you can make the most of them, for example, when it comes to developing a marketing strategy and plan. 

I know a successful Indie author who creates beautiful images easily and uses these to promote her blog and books on Pinterest and Instagram. She has a Facebook group and uses images with questions to stimulate discussion. Another successful author uses her love of travel and enthusiasm for independent publishing to connect with readers through podcasts, preferring to talk to her audience. There are so many different ways to market your product you need to find a strategy that uses your strengths and that you will enjoy.

Mimzy-Pixabay

Comparing to others.

Don’t. This is much easier said than done. Of course, we all compare ourselves and usually find ourselves wanting. We congratulate other creatives on their success, the new book contract, a best-selling debut, getting an agent, or even a full manuscript request. Sometimes, it feels as though everyone else is enjoying a party and you are on the outside banging your fists on a closed door. 

Everybody’s journey to success is different. A writer at a conference I attended said in a pre-dinner speech that an author’s journey to success is a bit like childbirth. You can plan and think you are prepared but how it happens – your unique experience will be nothing like you expect it to be. I remember making a birth plan and watching a soft-focus film of a delivery in ante-natal classes. Needless to say, my experience was completely different as it will be for every single woman who gives birth. Authors will tell you about winning a competition, a chance meeting with an author or publisher, being approached by an indie publisher after self-publishing successfully, achieving success independently – there are as many different journeys as there are authors. What I am trying to say is that your journey to success is unique to you. Comparing where you are to others is pointless because you are on a different path. 

With comparison comes envy. That green goblin that gobbles your soul. Do you find yourself thinking negative thoughts? I don’t mean wishing evil upon the person you envy – although you might have such feelings. The judgements: It’s all very well having a debut best-seller but will they be able to follow it? That publisher is too small to have any impact on sales. I wouldn’t want to churn out fiction like that it can’t be any good. These thoughts are partly to protect ourselves, to diminish the pain of envy – I wouldn’t want that anyway. But they are destructive. When we have negative thoughts about other creatives, we are also harming ourselves. It is the same voice that says, You are no good and will fail. We are all part of the universe, made from the same stuff. The synchronicity that brings fortune to us is dependent upon everything coming together in our favour. We are all dependent on one another. Negative thoughts about other creatives pollute the air we breathe – the life-giving force that should be nourishing us.

Steve Buissinne – Pixabay

Consistency

I started this post by recognising the downside to being a creative, the short attention span. A new project is exciting, the adrenalin rush as you put everything into getting it off the ground. In a big organisation you might be able to hand over the project once it is up and running but many creative entrepreneurs work alone or with a small team of experts. We do not have the resources and/or manpower to trust someone else to implement the big idea whilst we move onto a new one. We also want to see results quickly and can lose patience if they are not immediately apparent. 

I am learning how to refine and systemise approaches so that they are fully embedded. It means paying attention to detail, improving quality and efficiency. It means slowing down and being present – fully focused on the task. 

It is when you have grown tired of writing your blog or recording your YouTube channel that your audience starts to discover you. By giving up too soon you do not allow success to find you. An entrepreneur who is always moving on to the next new thing will miss out on reaping the rewards from their work. 

You won’t always feel like sitting down each week to write your blog, or record your film, especially if that negative voice in your head is telling you: What’s the point? Nobody reads it? Listens to it? But you must because success is about being consistent. Showing up even when you don’t feel like it. 

Mariya- Pixabay

My final message is this – Be joyful and carefree.

We seem to believe that is we are to achieve success we have to suffer in the process. You are doing this – whatever it is – because it is your passion. Fear of failure, self-doubt, and negative thoughts are burdensome. Have absolute faith in yourself. Know that you will achieve all that you dream of and more, and trust the universe to guide you towards that goal. Take pleasure in all of the tasks you commit to. Remember why you chose to do this and be patient. When things are not happening as quickly or in the way that you expect, be curious. Reflect on what you can learn from this moment by being present and grounded. Sometimes we just have to stand still long enough for success to find us.

How to stay the course and succeed

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 8 Comments

Ambition is great, it drives us to achieve our goals but it needs to be tempered with patience if we are to keep on track and avoid crashing. This has been a hard lesson for me and although looking back on my life I ended up in the right place, there were times when I caused myself unnecessary distress and almost sabotaged my chances of success as a result of my impatience. 

A pattern that I recognise in my behaviour starts with a heartfelt wish or passion. I put everything that I have into achieving this goal. Early achievements indicate that I am on the right track and I have what it takes. This is all good. We are inspired by our dreams to find our life’s purpose. The little markers of success along the way, for example, praise from a line manager, achieving a weight loss goal, or winning a writing competition, are like flags waving us on. There is a moment of realisation as we start to believe that we can achieve our dream.

In the past, this has been the point at which I start to sabotage my chances of success. It is a critical stage where patience is essential if we are to keep on track. 

Have you heard of the Terrible Twos? It is an expression used by parents to describe the developmental stage of two-year-old children who are prone to temper tantrums. At this age the child wants to be independent and can become frustrated when they discover that they do not have the motor and cognitive skills needed to achieve a task. The child might imagine themselves doing this activity and cannot understand why it is not possible. 

This is me. In my mind’s eye, I am already capable. The passion to achieve deceives me into believing I am ready. When the world does not recognise this and give me what I want I throw my hands up in despair. Then comes the self-doubt. The resentment and feelings of not being good enough. What a waste of energy and unnecessary grief. I get there in the end but looking back on my past experience I can see now that there is an easier way.

It is hard to stay present when you are used to striving for success. The business world teaches us to inflate our achievements to show that we have reached or exceeded targets. I am incredibly tough on myself, setting unrealistic goals of what I expect to achieve on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. When I fall short, I berate myself for failing and work harder. The result is inevitable:  Burn out. Poor decision making, and shoddy work as I am not taking my time. 

When we let go of trying to control and trust the journey, we get there a lot faster. The passion that is currently driving me is to publish my books and reach a significant number of readers. In March 2020 when the UK first went into lockdown I had not published any books and I didn’t have a social media presence. In eight months, I have published my debut, The Borrowed Boy, and my second novel, Just Bea, is in the process of being formatted for publication. I started this blog and have posted weekly. I have over 1k followers on Twitter and host a weekly tweet chat Friday Salon. I have also filmed a pilot for a YouTube programme Castaway Books. It’s exhausting just reading this.

This week I had a reality check. There is no hurry. Everything will unfold in its own time. Writing this blog brings me great satisfaction as I am developing self-awareness and making valuable connections with readers. I love hosting the Friday Salon tweet chats as it feels as though I am meeting with writer friends in the pub. I am learning new skills. Last week I was amazed to find myself editing a film for YouTube. 

When I relax into enjoying my work with no expectation it becomes a pleasure. I can savour each moment, immersing myself in the task without keeping one eye on the clock. I still have a diary with daily goals but they are more achievable. Every day, every hour I am learning and growing. Like the two-year-old, I do not yet know what I don’t know, but as I try things out and practice new skills I am discovering. It is a joy to learn, and the connections I am making with people on this journey are enriching my life. 

In my blog on Learning to be patient, I spoke about the lessons from nature. That we have what we need to become the person we are meant to be but just as a plant develops through the seasons so do we. We cannot rush nature. 

Be patient. Trust the journey. And have fun. You are exactly where you need to be right now. And above all be kind to yourself. 

Learning to be patient

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

Patience is a virtue, but not one that comes easily to me. I know that I am impatient, not with other people, just with myself. I want to achieve everything yesterday. However, there is a positive side. My impatience has served me well in many ways as I am motivated to succeed, work hard, and I am very productive. Great attributes in the world of commerce where we are expected to go faster and faster. Not so good as a writer because creative work has to unfold in its own time, and we have no control over when and how our work will be received by the world. 

Everything has a season. A beginning, a middle, and an end. And then a new beginning. When we live in the moment we treasure the beauty of each day, the changing colours of the landscape, and discovering new shoots in the flower bed. We are part of nature. There is a season for all that we achieve, and just as the flower bed goes through change, so do we. 

It is good to have a goal. A vision for our future. However, when we are willing that future to happen before it is time, we can stunt our growth and slow down the process. This is because we are not allowing change to happen. We are not relaxing into the now and being mindful of the lessons that are there for us and the opportunities. Instead of growing, we are expending our energy thrashing against the unfairness of life. The result – what we want is pushed further away because we are not ready to receive it, without change.

Like most writers, my goal is and has been for many years to be a successful published author. I approached this goal as if it were a work project over which I had some control. I studied what I had to do, went through all the steps, submitted my manuscript to agents, got myself a first-class literary agent, and submitted to publishers. At every stage of this process I was impatient: Each time I sent a manuscript out to agents I counted the days until I received a response. When my agent was reviewing drafts, and when editors from publishing houses were considering our submission. It was hard. My health and well-being suffered. I felt out of control. As a management consultant used to working for myself I railed against this lack of autonomy and was overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness. 

I told the story of how I changed course, and decided to become an indie entrepreneur in my blogs Meditation challenge parts one, two, and three. The path I was following was not going to get me to where I wanted to be. Since deciding to take the self-publishing route I have had to learn new skills and try different things to market my novels. This is exactly where I need to be right now. I love that I have discovered blogging. By sharing my experience with other creatives, I have deepened my understanding and self-awareness. I write to connect with others in a meaningful way and I have found that blogging and other social media platforms such as Twitter have enabled me to do this in ways that I had not believed possible.

If my debut novel had been published last year through the traditional publishing route I would not have had that experience. My life is richer as a result. Now, I embrace what each new day has to offer. I honestly love everything about my working life as an author, and I know that I am growing and changing. Instead of worrying about the future, I am delighting in the small changes in my life, much like the gardener who enjoys watching the flower bed for new growth. 

The creator of all things has sown a seed of desire in our hearts. We must pursue our dreams but recognise that for our dream to unfold it needs to be nurtured and given time to grow. Just as our creator sends the sun and rain to nourish the earth, we too will receive what we need. When the season is right we will enjoy our harvest but creation cannot be rushed. It is not easy to be patient when you are burning with desire, but creation as magnificent as you must be honoured with time, care, and above all patience. It will happen when the time is right. 

The power of self belief

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

‘She’s not showing any commitment to your relationship,’ a girlfriend counselled me as we took our habitual walk and talk by the sea.

I check my phone every few minutes, exasperating my husband. I wonder if he thinks I am having an affair.

Maybe my email was worded wrong and she misinterpreted what I said. Or – I missed something written between the lines of her text. I check again. And again.

Maybe she’s just not that into me. 

No, I wasn’t having an affair. I was stressing over the lack of contact from my literary agent. It really is akin to dating. That feeling of elation when you receive an email full of exclamation marks – the agent loves your work and, in my case, ‘I am waiting on the edge of my seat,’ to receive my full MS. And another the next day, ‘I can’t stop thinking about your novel.’ Heady stuff. You hand over your heart. 

A new love affair or a collaboration with an enthusiastic literary agent is wonderful. It is to be celebrated and enjoyed. However, it is important to stay grounded. When we look outside of ourselves for affirmation that we are ‘good enough’ we hand over the responsibility for our happiness and wellbeing.

Take back control for your happiness

I am not suggesting that you hold back in any way, or distrust this new relationship, only that you do not look for external validation of your worth. We hear it said by spiritual gurus and counsellors that we are enough, in fact, more than enough. They are wise words, but not so easy to believe when we are filled with self-doubt.

To take back control, listen to your heart and not the thought goblins who whisper criticism and doubt in your head. You need to really listen to your heart to understand what you want and why. That’s easy you might say, ‘I want to be a successful published author.’ Or, ‘I want to meet my soulmate, get married, and start a family.’ Dig a bit deeper. Ask yourself why. Get to the root of what you want and need. 

For me, it is to reach as wide an audience as possible, because I have something to say and want to be heard. I want to connect with readers through my words and make a difference – whether it is to give a few hours of escape or to inspire in some way. I have a unique combination of skills and experience that make me who I am. My purpose is clear and is not dependent on another person. A publishing contract is just one way to achieve my goal. I have everything I need to fulfil my potential and achieve my dreams.

It is great to find true love, to get approval, and positive affirmation. We all need this. But when it does not come from the source we expected, it doesn’t mean that we are undeserving. It just means, it isn’t the right one for us at that time.

You are God’s gift 

You must have heard the saying, ‘He/she thinks they are God’s gift.’ Well, guess what, you and me – we areGod’s gift to the world. We have been provided with all that we need to fulfil our unique purpose. It may have arrived in a box, like a flatpack from Ikea – full of odds and ends that are a mystery to us. The instructions assure us that everything is there, we just need the patience to put it all together. When we are distracted, comparing ourselves to others, and seeking approval, we are neglecting our gift. 

Spend time marvelling over everything in that box. Value each of the parts, however small, because they are essential to creating our true self:  our skills, attributes, personality traits, our dreams and wishes, our passions. When we realise just how amazing we are, we are fired up with positive energy. Not only is that very attractive – we are no longer a box of oddments, we are the shiny fully assembled model in the shop window, it enables us to know exactly what we need and to be discerning. Instead of waiting to be chosen, we do the choosing. 

Balancing Time

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 9 Comments

Balancing commitments

‘I would find it hard shutting the door on my husband and children, saying I needed time to write,’ a woman once said to me, when I was giving a library reading. She longed to be a writer but didn’t honour herself by protecting her writing time.

This is so often a problem for woman, and I suspect men, as many are homemakers and care givers. When we take time for ourselves, we may feel guilty and sometimes use this as an excuse not to follow our dreams. 

When our daughter was born thirty years ago, my husband gave up work to be a full-time dad. He never went back to work, through choice, and I have been the sole wage earner for our little family. It worked for us and I have no regrets. However, when I was working I felt I should be with my daughter and when I was playing with her, I felt guilty for not catching up with work. I was always weighing up my time, believing that I had failed at both.

Mindfulness

Then, a wise woman told me to give myself 100% to whatever I was doing at that time. It was a challenge and I didn’t always succeed, but I have carried that mantra with me. When I am writing I close my door and switch off from the outside world. That’s the easy part, as I can lose myself for hours and often have to set a timer so that I don’t miss a yoga class or forget to prepare dinner. 

It goes both ways. When I’m with my husband I try to be 100% present. If I’m with him in person but my mind is working on my next chapter or mulling over my protagonist’s motivations then I’m not truly with him. Of course, that doesn’t mean he always reciprocates. For example, when I’ve just finished telling him about our plans for that weekend, he may respond with, ‘what are we doing this weekend?’ And I know that he was thinking about guitar chords or mentally playing his piano. 

It’s not easy to always be 100% present but you do get more out of each activity. You know yourself that when a person is truly listening to you, and not thinking about something else, then you feel valued and the quality of your relationship is strengthened. And as writers and artists, we absorb more from our experience of the world to later draw upon when we return to our craft. 

Finding time

Not everyone has the luxury of dedicating two hours or more to an uninterrupted writing stint. This need not be a barrier. I’m sure you’ve heard the analogy of pouring sand into a jar full of pebbles. The pebbles are the must dos that get in the way of writing. But, if you pour a fine sand into the jar it fills the space between the pebbles. Sometimes, a little and often is all we can manage, the fine sand finding a space between our other commitments.

When I was torn every which way caring for a parent with dementia, working, and managing household stuff, I found twenty minutes here and there throughout my day. I scribbled notes of the next scene I was going to write. My mind must have been working without me being aware, because whenever I sat down to write the words came. When time is precious, you perhaps write more freely. Just write without worrying about grammar and spelling. By the end of the day you might well have five hundred to a thousand words from several short writing bursts.

Honour yourself and that heartfelt wish

I always divide and weigh my time, trying to get the most from each day. Maybe all working mothers get into that habit. But, I have learnt to focus one thing at a time and no longer feel guilty or torn by competing demands. 

If there is something that you want to do, a heart-felt dream, then find the time. It may mean giving up something else, but if you don’t honour yourself and carve out a little sacred time, then one day you will regret what might have been. I don’t know whether the lady in the library started to write or not. I hope that she did. Seeds are sown in our heart, but they can only grow and blossom if we feed them, nurturing them with patience and our time. 

Meditation Challenge part two

/ Deborah Kleé Author / 6 Comments

Learning to be patient

In The Meditation Challenge part one, I told you how mindfulness meditation helped to still my mind so that I could stop fretting about the approval of a literary agent and instead focus on writing my best work. If you are having a go at meditation to help you manage similar anxieties, I would love to hear from you.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that if this draft of my novel didn’t meet with my agent’s expectation then we might well be saying goodbye. I should add here, that whilst I had been working with an agent for over a year, I hadn’t actually signed a contract, or met her, or even spoken on the phone, although her in-house editor did have a very helpful phone conversation with me early on in the process. This agent is one of the best, many of the authors she represents are international bestsellers. Her agency was growing and changing. It’s no wonder that she could spare me little time and was slow in replying to emails. 

Writer friends cautioned me but I was willing to accept these terms as I was gaining a lot from the editorial comments on each draft of my manuscript. In my head, I likened it to dating. The same feelings of excitement and apprehension as I waited impatiently for her reply.

I needed meditation more than ever. By now, I had progressed to longer meditations. I particularly liked:

If that one thing would happen – my life would be different.

Tara Brach www.tarabrach.com generously shares hour-long seminars on meditation practice. I would listen to these whilst ironing or making the evening meal, headphones on. In one of these seminars she said something that struck a chord with me. I’m sorry but I can’t remember which one it was. Anyway, it was something like this: 

We believe that if this one thing would happen, maybe meet the right man/woman, get a promotion, or in my case get published, that everything in our world will be better. We give this monumental importance. Just as we do in fearing something really bad. But, when this ‘thing’ actually happens it’s just a blip up or down in our state of being. Think about it – that job you finally got, getting pregnant, meeting the man or woman of your dreams. Or, the bad stuff, being made redundant, having your manuscript rejected. There’s a short period of euphoria or depression and then life resumes. It doesn’t change everything. 

I have just discovered Daniel Nussbaummüller’s  blog  https://embraze.org/how-our-thoughts-make-us-suffer/on Thoughts Make You Suffer, says a similar thing. 

So, when my agent responded in May to say that she loved the changes that I had made to my manuscript and with just a couple of tweaks, she would be excited to send it out to publishing editors, I was of course thrilled. My journal reads, ‘It has finally happened. I have reached a milestone – jumped a hurdle. My novel is to be sent out to publishers and an amazing agent wants to represent me.’ I checked that she really was my agent, just in case I had been deceiving myself, and she confirmed that she was. I told my writer friends on Facebook, did the edits and sent it back. My agent said that she would send me her marketing strategy and so I waited. 

I don’t know whether it was Tara Brach’s influence or my meditation practice but I was very calm. I think as writer’s we take tiny steps. I imagine us all hiking up a mountain, the path curving around and upward, like a spiral. Each step is small, it’s only when you look down that you see just how far you have come. 

Maybe, it’s watching or reading about drama’s, great personal success stories, that we crave the elation of those dizzying heights. The reality is, change is more often gradual. But that doesn’t make for a sensational story.

Meditation to help generate new ideas

Whilst sending off each rewrite of my novel and waiting for my agent’s response, I had gone back to two of my unpublished novels trying to rework them in readiness for my agent’s approval. That was before I started my meditation challenge and it hadn’t gone well as I was just too critical of my work. I was afraid that I didn’t have anything else to offer. Now, with the benefit of meditation, my mind was more open to new ideas.

 I found an excellent meditation for creativity through Mind Valley www.mindvalley.com. It is free to access on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSqEYFsF3w8

 I did this creativity meditation several times. On one occasion, I did it before going to bed. At around four in the morning, I woke up with so many ideas, I jumped out of bed and wrote them down. My second novel came to me so fast I couldn’t stop writing. I forgot to worry about not receiving a publishing plan from my agent. Until July when I prompted her.

 In next week’s blog I will tell you how meditation helped me to manage my expectations and anxiety when my novel was out on submission ie. being considered by publishers.

Part one

Part three

Part four