Learning to be patient

19th Oct 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

Patience is a virtue, but not one that comes easily to me. I know that I am impatient, not with other people, just with myself. I want to achieve everything yesterday. However, there is a positive side. My impatience has served me well in many ways as I am motivated to succeed, work hard, and I am very productive. Great attributes in the world of commerce where we are expected to go faster and faster. Not so good as a writer because creative work has to unfold in its own time, and we have no control over when and how our work will be received by the world.

Everything has a season. A beginning, a middle, and an end. And then a new beginning. When we live in the moment we treasure the beauty of each day, the changing colours of the landscape, and discovering new shoots in the flower bed. We are part of nature. There is a season for all that we achieve, and just as the flower bed goes through change, so do we.

It is good to have a goal. A vision for our future. However, when we are willing that future to happen before it is time, we can stunt our growth and slow down the process. This is because we are not allowing change to happen. We are not relaxing into the now and being mindful of the lessons that are there for us and the opportunities. Instead of growing, we are expending our energy thrashing against the unfairness of life. The result – what we want is pushed further away because we are not ready to receive it, without change.

Like most writers, my goal is and has been for many years to be a successful published author. I approached this goal as if it were a work project over which I had some control. I studied what I had to do, went through all the steps, submitted my manuscript to agents, got myself a first-class literary agent, and submitted to publishers. At every stage of this process I was impatient: Each time I sent a manuscript out to agents I counted the days until I received a response. When my agent was reviewing drafts, and when editors from publishing houses were considering our submission. It was hard. My health and well-being suffered. I felt out of control. As a management consultant used to working for myself I railed against this lack of autonomy and was overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness.

I told the story of how I changed course, and decided to become an indie entrepreneur in my blogs Meditation challenge parts one, two, and three. The path I was following was not going to get me to where I wanted to be. Since deciding to take the self-publishing route I have had to learn new skills and try different things to market my novels. This is exactly where I need to be right now. I love that I have discovered blogging. By sharing my experience with other creatives, I have deepened my understanding and self-awareness. I write to connect with others in a meaningful way and I have found that blogging and other social media platforms such as Twitter have enabled me to do this in ways that I had not believed possible.

If my debut novel had been published last year through the traditional publishing route I would not have had that experience. My life is richer as a result. Now, I embrace what each new day has to offer. I honestly love everything about my working life as an author, and I know that I am growing and changing. Instead of worrying about the future, I am delighting in the small changes in my life, much like the gardener who enjoys watching the flower bed for new growth.

The creator of all things has sown a seed of desire in our hearts. We must pursue our dreams but recognise that for our dream to unfold it needs to be nurtured and given time to grow. Just as our creator sends the sun and rain to nourish the earth, we too will receive what we need. When the season is right we will enjoy our harvest but creation cannot be rushed. It is not easy to be patient when you are burning with desire, but creation as magnificent as you must be honoured with time, care, and above all patience. It will happen when the time is right.

The power of self belief

12th Oct 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

‘She’s not showing any commitment to your relationship,’ a girlfriend counselled me as we took our habitual walk and talk by the sea.

I check my phone every few minutes, exasperating my husband. I wonder if he thinks I am having an affair.

Maybe my email was worded wrong and she misinterpreted what I said. Or – I missed something written between the lines of her text. I check again. And again.

Maybe she’s just not that into me.

No, I wasn’t having an affair. I was stressing over the lack of contact from my literary agent. It really is akin to dating. That feeling of elation when you receive an email full of exclamation marks – the agent loves your work and, in my case, ‘I am waiting on the edge of my seat,’ to receive my full MS. And another the next day, ‘I can’t stop thinking about your novel.’ Heady stuff. You hand over your heart.

A new love affair or a collaboration with an enthusiastic literary agent is wonderful. It is to be celebrated and enjoyed. However, it is important to stay grounded. When we look outside of ourselves for affirmation that we are ‘good enough’ we hand over the responsibility for our happiness and wellbeing.

Take back control for your happiness

I am not suggesting that you hold back in any way, or distrust this new relationship, only that you do not look for external validation of your worth. We hear it said by spiritual gurus and counsellors that we are enough, in fact, more than enough. They are wise words, but not so easy to believe when we are filled with self-doubt.

To take back control, listen to your heart and not the thought goblins who whisper criticism and doubt in your head. You need to really listen to your heart to understand what you want and why. That’s easy you might say, ‘I want to be a successful published author.’ Or, ‘I want to meet my soulmate, get married, and start a family.’ Dig a bit deeper. Ask yourself why. Get to the root of what you want and need.

For me, it is to reach as wide an audience as possible, because I have something to say and want to be heard. I want to connect with readers through my words and make a difference – whether it is to give a few hours of escape or to inspire in some way. I have a unique combination of skills and experience that make me who I am. My purpose is clear and is not dependent on another person. A publishing contract is just one way to achieve my goal. I have everything I need to fulfil my potential and achieve my dreams.

It is great to find true love, to get approval, and positive affirmation. We all need this. But when it does not come from the source we expected, it doesn’t mean that we are undeserving. It just means, it isn’t the right one for us at that time.

You are God’s gift

You must have heard the saying, ‘He/she thinks they are God’s gift.’ Well, guess what, you and me – we areGod’s gift to the world. We have been provided with all that we need to fulfil our unique purpose. It may have arrived in a box, like a flatpack from Ikea – full of odds and ends that are a mystery to us. The instructions assure us that everything is there, we just need the patience to put it all together. When we are distracted, comparing ourselves to others, and seeking approval, we are neglecting our gift.

Spend time marvelling over everything in that box. Value each of the parts, however small, because they are essential to creating our true self: our skills, attributes, personality traits, our dreams and wishes, our passions. When we realise just how amazing we are, we are fired up with positive energy. Not only is that very attractive – we are no longer a box of oddments, we are the shiny fully assembled model in the shop window, it enables us to know exactly what we need and to be discerning. Instead of waiting to be chosen, we do the choosing.

The magic outside our comfort zone

5th Oct 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 5 Comments

Many years ago, I watched a television programme that left an impression on me. An older woman explained why she took up sky-diving in her sixties. It was an antidote to the risk of an ever-diminishing life, as a result of living within her comfort zone. As we get older, we can be less inclined to take risks and settle into a comfortable routine. Sky-diving is a bit extreme. I considered trying a tandem skydive but the thought of jumping out of a plane terrifies me. In the 2001 film Kate and Leopold, Meg Ryan has to step off the Brooklynn Bridge, to be reunited with Leopold and to live the life she truly desires. I love that film, but every time I watch it she goes to jump and I think, I couldn’t do it. I would lose everything because I would be too afraid.

There is a parallel here to life. It’s great being comfortable, feeling calm and secure. When our world changes, establishing a routine can help us to feel in control. During lockdown, a routine helped many of us create a sense of stability in a scary world. However, over time we can become stuck, moving within the boundaries we have established. Comfort turns to discontent as we become aware of our unfilled potential. It is frightening to step out of our comfort zone: fear of failure, rejection, or disappointment. But we risk losing much more if we stay put. We risk losing the opportunity to fulfil our potential, and to discover new interests and passions. We aren’t just denying ourselves the expression of our true self and all that we can be, we are denying it to the world. We have a responsibility to fulfil our potential and that means continuing to learn and grow, whatever stage of life we are at.

In an earlier blog Welcoming change, I told you how I was letting go of a successful career as a management consultant to start a new one as an indie author entrepreneur. It was and is scary. I was very comfortable with my working life, but this meant that nothing challenged me. I had decades of experience in health and social care. I could take on any management consultancy job in my field and know that I had the skills and experience to deliver. It was a great place to be and paid the bills. Outside of my comfort zone was my unfulfilled potential. I knew I wanted to be a published author and there were other things, other versions of me that I needed to explore. I am only just discovering some of that potential, as I try out new things.

Yes, we may fail. I made my first book promotion video without looking at the camera because I didn’t know where it was on my phone. I’ll know next time, so it isn’t failure; it’s my first attempt. I like the old adage that when we mess things up we just need to use the experience as manure to nourish future projects.

The past six months have been a steep learning curve for me. I have learnt how to: commission and work with a creative team (editors and book cover designer), format a manuscript for publication, self-publish, set up and write a blog, use Mailchimp to share a newsletter, and use social media (Twitter, Instagram, Business page on Facebook). I am planning a YouTube channel to broadcast twice a week from January 2021, and I am writing and publishing another two novels next year.

I am sixty and so I have not grown up with the technology that younger people are experienced in using. Of course, I have experienced frustration and felt stupid. What happens if my investment of time and money doesn’t pay off? I have felt weary, exhausted from the effort and relentless drive to succeed. But, I am growing. I am learning. And I am transforming. I am becoming a new me. I am pushing out into the unknown and with each step into that magical terrain, my world becomes bigger. Instead of feeling the weight of fear and uncertainty, I am going to embrace each new experience and find joy in learning.

There’s just one other thing I will resolve to do. This is the scariest of all. I am going to visit my local swimming pool and jump into the deep end. It is a first step. I will not jump out of a plane, but maybe, if I can learn to do that without fear, I might just be able to jump back in time to be with the love of my life, should a Leopold beckon me one day.

Restore and renew your creative spirit

28th Sep 202029th Jan 2023 / Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

Superpowers of creatives

As creatives, we are passionate about our art. A desire to share our work with other people can be all-consuming. We drive ourselves harder and harder to succeed. Does this sound familiar?

Writers, artists, musicians and entrepreneurs have some character traits in common. These can be both a blessing and a curse. This blog is about recognising our superpowers as creatives and nurturing them with self-care so that they serve us well.

Creatives are sensitive people. As we regularly tune into the right side of our brain to create, we further develop our intuition.

I suspect that many of us are empaths. An empath is a highly intuitive person, who senses the feelings and emotions of the people around them. We absorb other people’s pain, as we try to ease their suffering.

Creatives are perfectionists. We are self-critical, and that inner critic can sometimes prevent us from expressing our self for fear that our work will not be good enough.

We tend to be good and loyal friends. Our emotional intelligence means that we are often successful in the workplace, and are caring and supportive of our staff.

Our drive to succeed makes us self-starters. As entrepreneurs we put everything into our work, striving to achieve the best we possibly can.

These attributes are amazing superpowers, but they need to be treated with respect, or we risk burn out, writers’ block, feeling overwhelmed, or emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Burnout

A new project gets one hundred percent superpower. We are flying high. For example, you have finished writing a novel. You have self-published and spent weeks marketing it. The steep learning curve has been worth it because you have received fabulous reviews and your friends and family are proud of what you have achieved. Or, you have set up a new business and after months of work, you have launched with a fanfare.

This is when we are most at risk of burn out, if we do not recognise how to look after our superpowers. There is likely to be an adrenalin slump after the work and excitement of a launch. We will be vulnerable to our self-critic when we look at how far we still have to climb, and our energy levels will be low.

I have noticed on social media that a number of creatives are experiencing low energy levels and poor health. It is not surprising as we are trying to adjust to and cope with a pandemic. As empaths, personal stories of heartbreak and loss, and those we hear from friends, and the media affect us deeply. This is another reason why we need to take extra care of our mental and emotional health at this time.

Self-care

If you are anything like me, you will be very good at giving advice to friends, telling them to take care of their emotional and mental health but may fail to look after yourself.

A holiday or a spa day away from home may not be possible, at this time but you can create this at home. Find a day when you are going to be alone for all or part of the day and plan some treats. This will be different for everyone, but this is what my retreat day would include:

A guided meditation for chakra alignment or deep relaxation. There are several on YouTube. I favour Deepak Chopra or The Honest Guys.

Restorative yoga. Again, there are workshops on YouTube, but I subscribe to Core Vitality Yoga, and recommend the virtual retreat, I equip myself with a couple of pillows, a bolster or rolled-up towel, a throw/blanket, a face mask, and soothing oils, for this.

A light lunch made up beforehand. This would include a delicious salad, fresh fruit, and maybe a smoothie.

A walk where you can enjoy nature.

A warm bath with scented oils, and candles. I might put a conditioning mask on my hair, or include other beauty treatments such as a face mask.

Put on comfortable clothes to lounge in and read a book or listen to music.

Manicure and pedicure if you feel inclined.

I have enjoyed a couple of home retreat days like this. It is important that you have a complete break from work and social media on this day. Do not let anything interfere with this special time. I promise you, it will feel good.

On a day to day basis, we can take care of ourselves by slowing down. How many of us obsess about being active on social media? I love my Twitter friends, and because of that, I do not want them to feel pressurised into constantly responding to me. Mindfully monitoring the time that we spend on social media can be beneficial to our emotional and mental wellbeing.

Find time to do things that you enjoy. I have been so intent on getting my debut published that I have neglected other interests: riding my bike, walking in the woods, crafting, and baking. I am going to make time for these things, and when I do engage in them, I will try to be one hundred percent present.

A visualisation

Finally, I will share with you a little visualisation that helps me. I imagine that we are all climbing a mountain. Some travellers are ahead and others behind. When I look down, I am surprised at how far I have come. Small steps each and every day have had an impact. However, I am tired and I still have such a long way to go. I sit at the side of the mountain and rest. The view before me is beautiful. It is momentary – the exact fall of the light, the little bird that has alighted at my side, the flowers in bloom. I rest in the moment.

‘Why do you need to carry that heavy backpack?’ a voice says. ‘Everything you need will be provided.’ And so, I let go of my load.

There is a well of crystal-clear water and I drink my fill. As I rest I help others on their journey. I know that when I need a hand or a word of encouragement there will be others to help me.

As I set off again I feel lighter and restored. Instead of worrying about the climb I enjoy the sun on my back and remember to admire the view.

These are techniques that help me. I hope that by sharing them I have given a hand to you on that mountain path.

Unleashing creativity and purpose

14th Sep 202031st Oct 2021 / Deborah Kleé Author / 7 Comments

September a time for new beginnings

September has always been my favourite month of the year. A new school-term. A new rough book and a sharp pencil. A new teacher, excited to introduce the term’s work, and to learn our names. It’s a time of new possibilities. The harvest has been gathered in and the fields lie fallow, waiting for new crops to be sown.

It is the month I got married, and the month our daughter was born. When the leaves start to fall and my pockets fill with shiny conkers and acorns snug within their cups, my heart soars. I went for a run this morning, delighting in the crunch of leaves beneath my feet and the golden glow of sun, low in the sky now that summer has been spent. I got to thinking. This time in my life, it is like the fall. My achievements: building a successful business, raising a family, caring for ageing parents, are my harvest. I have toiled hard and loved every moment, but it is now done. Like the bronze and gold leaves at my feet, I have shed these responsibilities, and I am at a new stage in my life. A time to create something new.

Creativity increases during and post menopause

There is scientific evidence that women become more creative during and after menopause as a result of hormonal change (Dr. Christaine Northrup https://www.drnorthrup.com). I believe it is more than hormonal change. Men and women reach a time in their life when they experience a freedom that they haven’t known before. The harvest has been gathered and we reflect on the fallow field before us. We become introspective, questioning our true purpose in life. No longer required to serve others, we can dance to our own tune. In this time of reflection, we discover our intuition and insightfulness. It is no wonder we experience a surge of creativity. Alan Titchmarsh, once said on a Gardening programme, that we become invigorated in the spring because we can smell the plant sap of new growth. Maybe it is sensing our unfulfilled potential that awakens our longing to create when we begin our autumn years.

Don’t let a believe that it is too late to fulfil your dreams hold you back. I was really inspired by Penelope Fitzgerald’s story, (see Hermione Lee’s biography). Fitzgerald started publishing her books at the age of sixty. At the age of eighty, she became famous after winning the Booker Prize in 1978 for her novel Offshore, and then international fame when The Blue Flower won a major award in America. Her novels, like mine, tend to be about people living on the edges of society, combining pathos with humour. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to her work. She was a remarkable woman who led a full and fascinating life, experiencing hardship herself for many years.

Your creative yearnings may not be as a writer. We are all creative, and fulfilling this need is as important as our spiritual, physical, psychological, and emotional needs. Your creativity might be expressed in the interior design of your home, a meal prepared for friends, quilting, or gardening. The list is endless. What is important is that you make time to express your creativity and enjoy it.

A new term

I remember travelling home from work on the train one evening on the first day of term. The carriage was static with excitement and anticipation as students of all ages chatted about the courses they were studying. A couple of women were getting to know one another, as they spoke about the healthcare module they had just begun. A group of teenagers compared subject choices, eager to share how they saw their future unfolding with university options and careers. I breathed in the energy and felt high!

Autumn is a time of change. Of new beginnings. Maybe you are thinking about retirement or your children have left home for university. Approach the coming months as though it is a new term. There is a fallow field before you. Now is the time to unleash your creativity. It is exciting and it may be a little scary, but beginnings always are.

I will be spending the months leading up to Christmas writing my third novel, Misdirection, and learning about marketing as I prepare to launch my second novel Just Bea on 1^st February. I would love to hear about your plans whether it is a craft project, your garden, or your novel/poetry. Let’s be like the teenagers buzzing with news about their plans on the first day back at school!

Wanting Something Too Much – Part Three

7th Sep 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 5 Comments

This is the third blog on Wanting something too much.

In part one, I described the blip of happiness or despair when the one thing we want, or fear finally happens. Often, it is not life-changing in the way that we have imagined and life resumes. My message is to make sure the life you live now is a good one, and don’t hang all of your hopes on that elusive dream.

In part two, I reflected on outcomes. By attaching too much to one outcome, we can become blinded to other opportunities. When we have an open heart and mind we invite new possibilities into our life and in doing so, find the best outcome for us.

I know what it feels like to want something too much. It is a tightly clenched fist in the solar plexus, a lump of longing that takes up all the room in your heart. You are afraid to release your grip. As though holding tight to that dream will make it come true, and to release your grip will lessen your chances of success. I have learned that this is not true and by wanting something too much we are driving away the very thing that we want.

We have all heard the stories of a couple who conceive when they have stopped trying for a baby, the girlfriend who meets the love of her life after resigning herself to a future of singledom, the job offers that flood in when you have decided to become self-employed.

When we are desperate for something we become tense. There is a physiological reaction that may lead to symptoms of stress, for me it is eczema and migraines. We become so focused that we have tunnel vision and miss the bigger picture. A tense, intense person, who is desperate for something, is not attractive and can repel the person that they want to attract.

If you are in a furniture store and a sales assistant working for commission pursues you relentlessly, advising you of the features of every sofa you show a vague interest in, I suspect that like me, you will decide to visit another day or go to a different store where you won’t be hounded into buying something.

Many years ago, I had a friend who following a divorce was desperate to find another man. This friend was young, attractive, and clever. She had a great job and was financially independent. She threw herself into the dating world with gusto, joining on-line dating agencies and requesting blind dates. I tried introducing her to eligible men but her desperation scared them off. Sadly, none of her would-be partners wanted a second date.

I am extremely embarrassed to confess that when I started out as a management consultant I stepped out of a meeting to run after someone who I thought might be interested in hiring me. I cringe when I remember this. At that time, I was terrified that I would not attract any clients and of course I didn’t. When I relaxed and went with the flow, I had plenty of work. The more work I had, the more I was offered.

When we are relaxed and content we are open to new possibilities. We notice opportunities because we have an open mind and are more susceptible to ideas that come into our orbit. People are drawn to us because we radiate positivity.

I know it is hard to let go of longing. Keep hold of your dream but try to gently release your grip. Imagine that knot of tension, softening. Breathing exercises and meditation can help with this. When I am meditating, I imagine a lotus flower opening up to the sun. It takes practice but you can relax your hold.

I believe that our purpose is an idea that is sown like a seed in our heart. Our wish to be a writer, an artist, a chef, an acrobat is intense because we are driven to achieve our life purpose. But just as the seed has been sown, trust that your dream will come to fruition. Open yourself up to a greater power. Trust that what you need will come to you. Be relaxed and calm. Because then you will find the golden breadcrumbs that will lead you to your destiny- a chance meeting, an advertisement, an idea that comes from a conversation.

I have devoted three blogs to this topic and could write more. Longing for success is the bane of creatives. Learning to attract what we need into our life is an important lesson for all of us.

Wishing you all a plentiful harvest. Namaste.

Inviting new opportunities into your life

31st Aug 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 8 Comments

Wanting something too much – part two

My heart aches for the creatives who share their heartfelt wish in social media with longing and desperation because I know how it feels to want something so badly.

Changing career

This is a lesson that has taken me some time to learn, and I am still learning. When I was forty, I could see only one way to further my career and that was the next step up on the career ladder – a chief executive of a health trust. It had been my goal for years and I had made steady progress up until that point. I was shortlisted again and again but was disappointed when I received the news that I had not been successful and each time a different or conflicting reason – ‘too strategic,’ ‘not strategic enough.’ I didn’t know what to do as this had always been my goal and it felt too early in my career to settle for what I had already achieved.

I was in the depths of despair. I felt rejected – unworthy. Not good enough. I was blinded to other opportunities because I was too focused on that one outcome. A wise woman suggested that I was feeling discomfort as the job I had was no longer a good fit for me. Like an ill-fitting shoe I had outgrown the role. This sparked my imagination and I wrote down all the things I enjoyed and was good at, also the things I didn’t like about my job.

Unsurprisingly, the job I had set my heart on was not a good fit for me either. The result was a specification of my unique combination of skills, expertise, and experience. I used that to evaluate every job advertised within a salary scale that was acceptable. In keeping an open mind, I came across an advertisement that I would never have considered before. I wasn’t even sure what the job description meant, but it was a perfect fit with my personal specification and the employer thought so too, because at the end of a two-day selection process I was offered the job. What unfolded from there was better than I could have imagined. I found the perfect career for me as one opportunity led to another.

Through this experience, I learned that my imagination is limited. The universe/God’s vision is greater. When I stopped hanging on tightly to what I thought should happen and opened my heart and mind to possibilities, I was led to the best outcome for me.

The best outcome for you

You may be focused on bagging your dream agent, securing a traditional publishing deal, getting that promotion, or your ideal job and I wish you success. Keep working towards your goal and hopefully, your wish will come true. However, too narrow a focus might be blinding you to other opportunities.

Try brainstorming all of the options. Be imaginative and open yourself up to the infinite possibilities for your success. Instead of focusing on one agent, try approaching several. Visualise offers coming in from four or more so that you have to choose. Submit to independent publishers. Enter novel writing competitions. Scatter these seeds of possibility and you may be surprised by what grows.

Your future is waiting for you. It could be brighter and bigger than anything you have imagined, but you need to open your heart and mind to new possibilities and trust that what is right for you will find you.

Wanting something too much part one

24th Aug 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 3 Comments

‘I want this more than anything.’

‘If this doesn’t happen, I don’t know what I’ll do.’

‘If only I got that promotion/job everything would be different.’

‘I just need to find that special someone and I will be happy.’

The drama and passion of these heartfelt pleas are fuelled by the media. We watch films and read books where life is simple. The geeky girl/boy meets someone who loves them just the way that they are, they fall in love and live happily ever after. A woman loses her job, her world is falling apart, but then she writes a book, and all of her financial worries are resolved. Then, there are the talent shows where an awkward looking boy tells the camera that winning the competition would mean everything to him, and a few series later he is back as the star act, having achieved super-stardom. Real-life doesn’t make good telly and so stories of success, both imaginary and real, are dramatized and we buy into this. I have thought for some time that the romcoms we adore contribute to a dissatisfaction in relationships.

Our dream is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. We truly believe that one that one thing we wish for happens our life will be transformed. For many writers, it is getting an agent or a publishing deal. We hold that heartfelt wish so tight, we clench it within our soul, willing it to happen. To relax that hold for one second feels as though we are giving up and reducing our chances of success. Everything depends on that wish coming true.

My writing buddy achieved what seemed to the outside world like an overnight success. I know that she worked hard to develop her writing craft over many years and when success came it was well deserved and well earned. This friend won a novel competition and a couple of years later her internationally best-selling novel was advertised on posters at airports and railway stations. Of course, she was giddy with excitement as she was swept up in a whirlwind of success, but soon life settled back into a routine. ‘I am often asked how I feel about my success, and that it must have changed my life beyond recognition,’ she told me, ‘but it hasn’t. Not really. I was happy before and I’m happy now. Apart from being able to earn a living doing something I love, nothing much has changed.’

I have another friend who was over-joyed to be signed by her ‘dream’ literary agent certain that this was it – her passport to the glittery world of becoming a published author. Fourteen months later, she is still waiting for her agent to find a publisher and one heartfelt wish has been replaced with another.

The thing that we long to happen, or fear will happen doesn’t change our life. There is a blip of happiness or despair, but in the scheme of things, it is a minor disturbance. Think back to the day you got your dream job, got married, or on the downside received a rejection letter from an agent or following an interview. You may have been happy or disappointed for a few days, or weeks but then life happened and soon you had another goal or dream. I can no longer remember my rejection letters or the jobs I didn’t get.

The constant is the life you are living now. Your family and friends, the pleasure that you get from everyday activities, your good health. By focusing on what is beyond our control, changing another person’s behaviour, making someone like you – hire you – sign you, we are neglecting to change the things that we can control. If life carries on as normal after the blip, then we need to invest in making it a good life by appreciating what we have now and making the most of each moment.

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Fear of failure

10th Aug 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 2 Comments

In last week’s blog, I asked you, what is holding you back from investing in yourself as a writer? I touched on something that I believe is a big issue for all creatives – fear of failure.

Do you remember as a child being given a blank sheet of paper, and a pencil, with the invitation to draw something – anything? At some point, I went from a child freely expressing herself with wonderful scribbles, to the paralysing fear that what I tried to draw would look ridiculous and so I said, ‘I cannot draw,’ and I believed that for many years.

In my forties I signed up for an adult education class called, Drawing for the Terrified. I discovered to my amazement that when I learned to relax and enjoy the process I could draw. We are all capable of achieving astonishing things if only we would open ourselves up to those possibilities. Fear of failure can prevent us from pursuing our goals, as we stop trying or unconsciously undermine our efforts.

Oh, the angst of writers! We are our own worst enemies.

Unfinished manuscripts

I have a friend who would write a novel until it was 80-90% complete and then abandon it and start another. Her computer must have had at least ten incomplete novels. Eventually, she worked through her fear of failure and I am pleased to say that she is now completing and publishing one book after another – with great success.

Looking for perfection

It is good to take pride in your work so that it shines, but to take this too far can be another indication of fear of failure. I am a bit of a perfectionist myself. I have to commit to a deadline or I would never let go of a book always believing that it could be better. Of course, it could always be better, but whilst we concentrate all of our efforts on that one project there are others that will never see the light. I know of one writer, who has now sadly passed away. She dedicated years and years to writing the one novel, it was never quite good enough. Sadly, that novel has not yet been published. Life is too short to wait for perfection.

Publishing a book without any promotion

This is a common one. The Indie author who works hard to write a book and self-publish then as soon as it is out there – runs for the hills! When it doesn’t sell they might lament the lack of marketing opportunities for Indie authors, or attribute the lack of sales to not being able to afford fancy promotion, etc. This is a good example of subconsciously undermining one’s efforts.

Sending just one or two query letters to agents before giving up

Fear of rejection is the worst, but we all know as writers that we have to develop a tough skin. I hated sending out query letters and waiting for a response. Every rejection feels personal – it reinforces our fear of failure. I think the writer’s wisdom is that you receive about one hundred rejections, whether they are from agents or publishers, before getting that treasured YES. So, start counting as every rejection is taking you closer towards your goal.

Writer’s block

Sometimes you can feel like the child I described at the beginning of this post, sitting staring at a blank screen terrified to write in case it’s no good. There are ways to overcome this and stimulate the flow of creativity, perhaps a topic for a future post, but sadly some writers turn away from their passion saying ‘I can’t write.’ One writer recently shared with me her distress at not being ‘good enough’ or ‘writing like she was meant to.’ This writer was trying to fulfil other people’s expectations of what her writing should look like and that is a sure way to kill creativity.

Overcoming the fear of rejection

Overcoming the fear of rejection takes courage and some inner work. Understanding where that fear comes from is a good place to start. Sometimes an early life experience can contribute to these feelings. I can pinpoint the first time I felt the impact of disappointing my parents. They wanted me to attend a certain secondary school. I attended an interview and was pleased with my performance. At eleven or twelve years old I wasn’t worried about the interview and neither was I too concerned about getting into that particular school – but pleasing my parents was of primary importance to me. I remember my mother’s face when she came into my bedroom one morning with the rejection letter. She was very disappointed and having been present at my interview went on to do a post mortem of my failure to impress.

We are afraid of failing because:

We worry about what other people will think of us
We don’t want to disappoint the people we love and admire
It will prove we are just not good enough
It will end our dream of success

It doesn’t matter what other people think. Those people who love you just want you to be happy and always have your best interests at heart. My mother did that day when she read out my rejection letter. If fear of failure stops you from pursuing your dream then the only person that you are disappointing is yourself. Confident people know that they will not always succeed at everything that they try but it doesn’t stop them from having a go.

How to succeed

Recognise your fear of failure and understand the cause. When you have acknowledged it, accept the feeling for what it is, and move on. It may always be with you but it doesn’t need to control how you act.

There are so many things that we cannot control as creatives: getting an agent, getting published, receiving good reviews. All we can do is give ourselves the best possible chance of success by learning from others who have achieved what we are working towards and modelling our behaviour on what has worked for them. Control the things that are within your power and let go of those that are not.

Have a vision of where you want to be but set small achievable goals. This could be as simple as sitting down to write for fifteen minutes a day. Congratulate yourself on achieving each small task as one by one these will lead you to your goal.

Do not attach yourself to one particular outcome, for example, signing with a literary agent and publishing your book traditionally. There are always many options, you just have to be creative. Sometimes we have to try several different things before finding the right path.

When things do not go as you hoped see what you can learn from the experience and then try something else. You have not failed, just have just got a little closer to your goal.

Investing in yourself as a writer …because you are worth it

3rd Aug 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 7 Comments

Publication day

Saturday 1^st August 2020 was the official launch day for my debut The Borrowed Boy, although it has been available in paperback from Amazon since the 1^st July – a fortuitous error on my part as I didn’t realise that Amazon do not support pre-orders of Indie print books. Fortuitous, because it resulted in several reviews being posted on Amazon and Goodreads ahead of publication day.

Sending a book out into the world

Sending a book out into the world is a bit like sending your child to school for the first time, allowing them to fend for themselves. As a working mum I didn’t have this experience, it was my husband who took our daughter to school. The first time she went to nursery school for the afternoon, he was a nervous wreck. He sat in an empty pub boring the poor bartender with stories about his amazing child until it was time to collect her. It was the same her first day at school. My husband sat at home worrying about her day – how she would be received, and whether she would be happy – but our daughter just took it in her stride, a confident girl, who was ready to make her mark in a small way, at the beginning of life’s journey.

When our books go out into the world we are like anxious parents waiting to see what impact they might have, whether they will receive good reviews and find readers who love them. First time parents – first time novelists – we have a lot to learn about letting go, but it can only get easier with practice.

Investment of time, resources, and patience

What is important is that we continue to invest time, resources, and patience in sharing our creativity with the world. You wouldn’t invest your time raising a child with gentle, loving care and then leave it to its own devices. Neither would you send your child into the world without first preparing it for this adventure. Indie authors, authors who choose to self-publish rather than following the traditional route to publication, sometimes fail to invest in the publication, launch, and marketing of their novel, despite the huge commitment and dedication they have put into its creation. This saddens me, as I hear the disappointment and heartbreak of authors who have written worthy novels but their dreams of success are thwarted through a lack of sales.

Readers complete the loop of creation

The creation of art is a two-way process. The artist creates but the creation is completed by the responses of an audience. Art is a conversation that enables both writer and reader to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their world. The wonderful Rachel Joyce visited our local book club at the independent bookshop, Caxton’s of Frinton-on-Sea. When she was asked about some of the themes in her new novel Miss Benson’s Beetle, Joyce said, ‘It is only when I get the responses of readers that I truly understand the themes in my books.’ It is as though readers hold a mirror up to our soul so that we can see more clearly what was in our heart. The need for an author to have a readership is about more than financial reward.

What is stopping you from investing in yourself?

As artists we create, but all too often we send our work out into the world without investing in its success. The reasons a writer might give are:

I can’t afford- a professional website, a cover designer, an editor, advertising etc.
I don’t do social-media.
I’m a creative not a business person.
I don’t have the time to spend on marketing, it’s hard enough finding time to write.
I don’t like promoting myself, I’m too modest, too shy, an introvert.

I get it. I have felt, and continue to feel all of these things. But, I’ll go back to my analogy. You wouldn’t send a child off into the world without first doing a good job in preparing it and neither would you stop investing time, money and patience in it’s future. As creatives, I think we have to ask ourselves really honestly – what is stopping me from investing in my future as a writer? Maybe we use these excuses because of:

A fear of failure
Not really believing in our talent – imposter syndrome
Not thinking ourselves worthy of a financial investment, because we are not ‘good enough.’

Honouring your inner artist

I am doing some internal work myself as I have a mental battle with the recognition that I need to invest more money in things such as my website and learning new skills, and an inner voice (a goblin) that tells me, I have already invested financially in publishing a book – what if I never make back that money? What if it is a foolish, vanity project? Am I good enough? Fortunately, I have a mentor who is there to remind me that sometimes things feel uncomfortable, but I have to take chances if I am to grow. I believe in myself and I believe that my creativity deserves the investment of my time, money and patience. As the advert says Because I am worth it.

Are you honouring the artist within? Are you giving your creativity the best possible chance of success? What is truly holding you back? What sacrifices are you prepared to make – time, money spent on other things? What changes can you make today to increase your chances of success? Can you plan a way ahead to give yourself the future that you deserve?

The blog tour

I sent The Borrowed Boy into the world with a fanfare. The amazing Rachel of Rachel’s Random Resourcesorganised a blog tour for me at a very modest cost. This resulted in 34 highly regarded book-bloggers hosting me on their site over the course of this week. A blog tour combines book reviews, guest blogs and interviews with the author. A huge thank you to all of the book bloggers who took part and to Rachel for an excellent and professionally managed tour – I cannot recommend her services highly enough.

You can read about the blog tour here:

https://abrakdeborah.wordpress.com/the-borrowed-boy-blog-tour/

You are not what you think

13th Jul 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 2 Comments

Cognitive dissonance

When I was a young occupational therapy student studying psychology, I was delighted by the word cognitive dissonance and it’s meaning. In simple terms, it’s when you are not sure that you are doing the right thing and so you balance reasoning in favour of the action you have taken. Like convincing yourself that the dress you bought was a good buy because although it doesn’t fit right now, it will when you lose that additional weight, and it was half price in the sale. It’s human nature that we always want to be right. In our quest to be right, our brains work overtime coming up with all the reasons that we are doing the right thing, even when our gut says we aren’t.

Head or heart

In my blog Meditation challenge part two, I was working with a leading literary agent to get my novel ready for submission to publishers. There are other times in my life where I have been led by my thoughts and not my heart, but I am going to use this example as I have learned something from the experience, that I would like to share.

I can put my finger on the date when I should have paused and taken stock. It was my birthday and I was out having lunch with a girlfriend when the email I had been waiting for showed up on my phone. Two weeks prior to this, I had submitted my edited manuscript to my agent. I was excited, as I believed I had responded to all of the points raised, and I was really pleased with what I had accomplished. This email was going to be BIG. She would love it! What if she didn’t? My hands trembled as I opened the message. It was a holding email; my agent was busy and would get back to me in a month. In fact, it was four months before I got a response.

Thoughts are just thoughts

Our thoughts can drive us crazy, as we use them to try and make sense of our world – confirming our worst fears or imagining the reality we want to believe. Thoughts are not the reality, they are just thoughts. My thoughts at that time were: this is my only opportunity. Everything hangs on this agent’s response. When I didn’t hear back, I assumed the worst. I judged myself and started to lose confidence in my writing ability. My thoughts imprisoned me in a false reality.

Psychology tells us that our thoughts are not always rational. I got stuck in a loop where my thoughts resulted in a fear of failure. My emotional response to perceived reality triggered further irrational thoughts. If only I could have broken that cycle by realising that they were just my thoughts.

We always have choices

A good friend suggested to me that by not meeting with me or getting me to sign a contract, my agent was avoiding any attachment so that she could more easily drop me if we didn’t get a publishing contract. I didn’t disagree, all that my friend said was true. I was acting with my eyes open. However, this is where cognitive dissonance came in as I convinced myself that I didn’t have a choice. I reasoned that it didn’t matter because my agent was going to bring my manuscript to the attention of top publishers. She had an amazing reputation and I was lucky to have her representing me. I had nothing to lose. Besides, what if nobody else wants to represent me? a little voice in my head whispered. I didn’t think I had much choice.

Feeling stuck

So often, we get stuck in a situation that is not serving us well, but we convince ourselves that there is no other way.

When we feel stuck it is often because we are believing something that is not true. There is always another way. Sometimes it feels as though there isn’t, but we just have to use our imagination – and that should be easy to us. We are creative people.

Instead of trying to justify our actions or inaction by building a wall of perceived truth, we need to listen to our hearts. My heart was telling me that I wasn’t happy. If I had honoured myself with kindness, and acknowledged that although they felt real, my thoughts were just thoughts not reality, I might have broken free sooner.

Sometimes we knock ourselves out by repeatedly hitting against a wall when all we have to do is walk around it. There is always another way.

Going forward

Looking back, I can understand now that my agent’s success at that time led to changes in her working life that she had not anticipated. When we parted company, she explained that her world had changed significantly since we started working together. I realise now that her lack of communication was no reflection on my writing ability, and wasn’t personal. I had responsibility for myself. There were other options. The editor who was working with me at that time also worked freelance. Since becoming an Indie author, this editor has worked with me on my next novel, and I hope that we will continue to work together.

It was fourteen months after receiving a holding email that signalled a change in my working relationship with my agent that I suggested it might be better for us to part company. I have had no regrets since, but I could have saved myself the misery and self-doubt of my negative thoughts.

Of course, I can still list all of the positives that justify why I stayed with that agent for a year longer than I perhaps should have done. Cognitive dissonance is a powerful thing. But, I have learned from this experience.

Lessons learned:

When something doesn’t feel right, listen to your heart (gut/intuition)
List the thoughts that are limiting you and then let them go.
When negative thoughts stick, be kind to yourself and allow time to shift your thinking.
Honour yourself with courage and respect, you are responsible for your destiny – nobody else has this power.
When we still our thoughts and listen to our heart, a greater power reveals itself.

Abundance – or how to get more followers

29th Jun 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 10 Comments

To receive without asking

It has become a joke between my daughter and me that, Sherman, my husband, always gets preferential treatment at holiday buffets. For example, several years ago, Sherman and I were on a cruise of the Nile. I was standing in a long line of people waiting for the chef to prepare an omelette. Sherman is not even in the queue, he is helping himself to a bread roll close by the omelette station. The chef calls him over and, with a grin and a wink, slides a fluffy omelette onto his plate. Why? Why does Sherman get his needs met without having to ask? I know it doesn’t seem fair.

We have been married for thirty-five years and I have learnt that shop assistants, strangers in cafés, and people we occasionally pass on the street, all want to talk to Sherman. Faces light up when he approaches. We visited a pub on one occasion whilst on holiday in Whitby, Yorkshire. Seven years later we returned to the same pub and the publican greeted Sherman recalling his last visit. I know that Sherman would have bought him a pint when they first met and would probably have made him laugh. But beneath his banter is a man who genuinely cares. He notices people and makes them feel special and included. He doesn’t do it for any kind of return. He loves people and has a generous nature.

My daughter told me that she tried the ‘Sherman technique’ whilst on holiday hoping that she would get preferential treatment at the buffet, and was disappointed to find that it didn’t work. And there is the trick – the lesson to be learned.

If you do something hoping to be rewarded in kind, you will be disappointed. Life doesn’t work like that. When I first started this blog, I checked the statistics a few times each week driving myself crazy with negative thoughts. Why would anyone follow my blog when there were more experienced people out there writing much more interesting stuff than me? Was I wasting my time?

Checking stats

Then I had a revelation, and I have Lauryn Trimmer prostorybuilders.wordpress.com to thank for that. In a blog, Lauryn said quite simply, Don’t look at the view count on stats. Just don’t do it. That was all it needed. I went for a run and thought, why am I worrying about the stats? I am doing something that I love. The blog, sharing thoughts and ideas with like-minded people on social media, reading and reviewing other authors’ work, being part of a readers’ and writers’ community – I love these experiences and opportunities. By the end of that run, my mind set had changed. Now, I commit to all of these things for the joy that they bring – not for any expected return.

The law of abundance

Meditation teaches us that gratitude, love, and joy bring abundance into our lives. That people are attracted to positive energy. Abundance does not work like a weighing scale with each good deed or good thought rewarded in kind. By being happy with where you are and who you are, you radiate positivity.

If you have been following my blogs, you will know that I started this journey as an Indie author/creative entrepreneur with mixed feelings: excited by the possibilities, but daunted by the challenge that lay ahead. It is still early days, but as I relax and enjoy connecting with other creatives without expectation, just a willingness to support others on a similar journey, people and opportunities have come into my life that I could not have anticipated.

Networking

Social media can be a valuable tool for networking and may lead to more meaningful connections with others. It can also be soul destroying if you value your worth by how many followers or ‘likes’ that you have. Take pleasure in the process. Be kind. Be authentic. Don’t expect any return– but don’t be surprised when you are called to the front of the line to receive an omelette before having to ask.

I am ending this week’s blog with a favourite poem of mine. Many years ago, this was pinned above my desk as the words really resonate with me. It is by Robert Muller, former Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations.

Decide to Network

Decide to network
Use every letter you write
Every conversation you have
Every meeting you attend
To express your fundamental beliefs and dreams
Affirm to others the vision of the world you want
Network through thought
Network through action
Network through love
Network through the spirit
You are the center of the world
You are a free, immensely powerful source
of life and goodness
Affirm it
Spread it
Radiate it
Think day and night about it
And you will see a miracle happen:
the greatness of your own life.
In a world of big powers, media, and monopolies
But of six billion individuals
Networking is the new freedom
the new democracy
a new form of happiness.

Robert Muller

Welcoming Change

22nd Jun 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 10 Comments

Beginnings are scary.

I am writing this blog on the first day of the summer solstice, here in the Northern hemisphere. It seems fitting, as today I am writing about change.

Steven Rogers said, ‘Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts.’ I am embarking on a change in my career and it is scary. I have been here before, when I moved from the clear career path as an executive manager in the NHS to a very different role working for the Audit Commission, a national regulator of local authority and health care services. Then, as now, I moved from the safety of a role where I was respected and knew what I was doing, to one where I felt like the new girl – clueless and deskilled.

In recent years, I have been letting my profile as a consultant in health and social care decline, so that I can commit more time to writing. Just thinking about this change gives me palpitations. It’s a mixture of fear and excitement. I worked hard to establish my management consultancy and it has been successful, but since my mother died a few years ago, I have been pursuing my passion for writing. Maybe her passing made me realise that I had to make the most of every day.

Finding the courage to take a new direction

It is easy to stay in a place where we feel comfortable, instead of taking a risk to follow our dreams. I am not suggesting writers should give up paid work to write full-time when they have no guaranteed income. I am in a fortunate position of being semi-retired and so I can afford to bring in less money and focus more on writing. But, when I was a hospital manager and stepped off the career ladder to take a route that was unfamiliar I had to be brave. It was the right decision for me and led to greater things than I could ever have imagined, but it took a leap of faith.

Your heart tells you when it is time to make changes in your life, although it may take some time before you get the courage to listen to that inner voice and act. Letting go is the hardest part of that journey. If you are at the top of a mountain, feeling successful and valued, albeit unchallenged, stepping into the unknown is scary. If you have established a home routine that works and is comfortable, but no longer meets your needs, then disruption is scary.

The space between ending and beginning

Then, as now, emails relating to my day job went from a torrent of daily communications to a trickle and then nothing. Did that mean I was no longer important? I wasn’t needed? In the NHS Trust, there had been a reorganisation, and I had talked myself out of a job as I searched for a role that would enable me to improve services. All was quiet and I was afraid that I had wrecked my career.

In that quiet time, I meditated and reflected. A mentor suggested the role I was in no longer fitted me. She suggested I spend time working out ‘my shape’ and then find a job to fit – keeping an open mind. If it hadn’t been for that space between the ending and beginning I would never have found my path.

I am back in that place again today. I have intentionally let my consultancy business decline, turning down work, and moving my focus from networking with health and social care colleagues to networking with the writing community. I am in the space between, feeling my way, uncertain what the future may hold. Everything is unfamiliar and I am pushing myself every day to learn new skills: setting up this blog, using social media to network, publishing my debut. I am no longer the expert, the person to go to, a person well connected within a community. Maybe one day I will be, but now I am at the bottom of a mountain, with a steep climb ahead.

Fulfilling our potential

Everything has a season. A beginning, a middle and an end. Like our breath. It is the pause between breaths, the space between thoughts where the divine happens. We have to be still, to hear what is in our heart, and be open to new possibilities. We don’t know what the future will look like, we just have to have enough faith to let go of the old. Then wait. Beneath the ground nature takes its course and seeds germinate. Looking at bare soil is very, very scary.

If we cling to what we know and never have the courage to learn something new, then we fail to fulfil our potential. Isn’t that what we are all here to do? To be the best version of ourselves that we can? This weekend it is International yoga day and the summer solstice here in the UK. As we go into the first day of summer, I hope that your harvest is plentiful and your dreams fulfilled. Namaste.

Balancing Time

15th Jun 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 9 Comments

Balancing commitments

‘I would find it hard shutting the door on my husband and children, saying I needed time to write,’ a woman once said to me, when I was giving a library reading. She longed to be a writer but didn’t honour herself by protecting her writing time.

This is so often a problem for woman, and I suspect men, as many are homemakers and care givers. When we take time for ourselves, we may feel guilty and sometimes use this as an excuse not to follow our dreams.

When our daughter was born thirty years ago, my husband gave up work to be a full-time dad. He never went back to work, through choice, and I have been the sole wage earner for our little family. It worked for us and I have no regrets. However, when I was working I felt I should be with my daughter and when I was playing with her, I felt guilty for not catching up with work. I was always weighing up my time, believing that I had failed at both.

Mindfulness

Then, a wise woman told me to give myself 100% to whatever I was doing at that time. It was a challenge and I didn’t always succeed, but I have carried that mantra with me. When I am writing I close my door and switch off from the outside world. That’s the easy part, as I can lose myself for hours and often have to set a timer so that I don’t miss a yoga class or forget to prepare dinner.

It goes both ways. When I’m with my husband I try to be 100% present. If I’m with him in person but my mind is working on my next chapter or mulling over my protagonist’s motivations then I’m not truly with him. Of course, that doesn’t mean he always reciprocates. For example, when I’ve just finished telling him about our plans for that weekend, he may respond with, ‘what are we doing this weekend?’ And I know that he was thinking about guitar chords or mentally playing his piano.

It’s not easy to always be 100% present but you do get more out of each activity. You know yourself that when a person is truly listening to you, and not thinking about something else, then you feel valued and the quality of your relationship is strengthened. And as writers and artists, we absorb more from our experience of the world to later draw upon when we return to our craft.

Finding time

Not everyone has the luxury of dedicating two hours or more to an uninterrupted writing stint. This need not be a barrier. I’m sure you’ve heard the analogy of pouring sand into a jar full of pebbles. The pebbles are the must dos that get in the way of writing. But, if you pour a fine sand into the jar it fills the space between the pebbles. Sometimes, a little and often is all we can manage, the fine sand finding a space between our other commitments.

When I was torn every which way caring for a parent with dementia, working, and managing household stuff, I found twenty minutes here and there throughout my day. I scribbled notes of the next scene I was going to write. My mind must have been working without me being aware, because whenever I sat down to write the words came. When time is precious, you perhaps write more freely. Just write without worrying about grammar and spelling. By the end of the day you might well have five hundred to a thousand words from several short writing bursts.

Honour yourself and that heartfelt wish

I always divide and weigh my time, trying to get the most from each day. Maybe all working mothers get into that habit. But, I have learnt to focus one thing at a time and no longer feel guilty or torn by competing demands.

If there is something that you want to do, a heart-felt dream, then find the time. It may mean giving up something else, but if you don’t honour yourself and carve out a little sacred time, then one day you will regret what might have been. I don’t know whether the lady in the library started to write or not. I hope that she did. Seeds are sown in our heart, but they can only grow and blossom if we feed them, nurturing them with patience and our time.

Empathy

1st Jun 202011th Nov 2020 / Deborah Kleé Author / 1 Comment

I have a distant memory of a counsellor explaining that finger puppets could be used in therapy to help a person understand and accept different aspects of their personality. It must have been when I was training or practising as an occupational therapist. I don’t know how this therapy was to be practiced or whether or not it was successful, but it came back to me as I thought about the writing process.

Both reading and writing take us on a journey of self-awareness. Like many writers, I have kept a journal for most of my life, from my diary entries as an angst teenager to recent reflections and meditations on life.

As writers we create characters and dig deep to capture emotional memories so that we can make these fictional characters and what they are experiencing believable. We ask questions of our characters, curiously delving into their inner worlds. They sometimes behave in unpredictable ways that surprise us. My characters took over and led me in another direction, a writer is often heard to say.

This takes me back to the finger puppets. I think that every character we create carries a little of us. The parts of ourselves we are comfortable with, as well as the parts we deny or fear. In storytelling, we have the opportunity to explore how our characters react in different situations. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered myself crying as I wrote a scene. I realised then that I had learnt how to express real emotion on the page.

Maybe it is because I have spent my whole career listening to adults who have felt excluded or misunderstood that I have tried hard to put myself in their shoes and understand something of their life experience. Writing from the perspective of characters who have a different experience of life, helps me to develop more empathy. In gaining a greater understanding of others, we gain more self-awareness.

As readers we are transported into the inner world of a protagonist. The experiences of these fictional characters may trigger emotional memory or make us question our beliefs. I believe that reading makes us more empathetic. A few books in particular have increased my awareness and understanding of life from a different perspective. Although I read it several years ago Lori Larsens, story about conjoined twins Rose and Ruby The Girls has stayed with me. It challenged my assumptions about what life might be like for a conjoined twin.

There have been a number of books in recent years from the perspective of people on the autistic spectrum, including Mark Haddon’s, The curious incident of the dog in the night-time, Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, and Graeme Simsion’s The Rosie Result. Although people who are on the autistic spectrum will all have very different experiences, these stories have gone some way to increasing reader’s understanding and awareness.

Recently, I enjoyed reading the first book in Roz White’s Sisterhood series. This novel about the experiences of five very different transgender women moved me and opened my eyes to what a life lived as a transgender woman might feel like. Next week I am interviewing the author Roz White to find out about her experience as a transgender author.

Deborah Klee

Page turning, uplifting reads about friendships, community, and emotional courage.

Personal Development